Week Five in Review

Again, not the kind of win that instills a ton of confidence. We struggled to muster any kind of production in the second half, and again let a floundering team back into the game. We have got to learn how to put our boots on some fucking throats, or we’ll be the ones coming up short soon enough. It’s nice to see the defense playing such fundamentally sound football, stopping the run without stacking the box and shutting down a once potent passing offense despite having their top two corners in sweats. That type of success is sustainable, but the offense needs to elevate their play if we want to be elite. Rodgers still doesn’t quite look like himself. The league has obviously figured out that coverage (not blitzing) is the way to slow down our passing attack, so it’s time to adjust accordingly. IT’S TIME TO ADJUST ACCORDINGLY MAC. Anyway I’m sure we’ll adjust and we’re 3-1 and I love the Packers and football and fall so I’m happy as a bit ol’ fat motherfuckin’ clam. Here’s what I liked and what I didn’t like:

What I Liked:

I love a good gang fuck. I MEAN TACKLE. GANG TACKLE.

Run Defense: Can this defense play the run? Are you kiddin me?™ Once again the Packers bottled up the opposition’s running game, holding the Giants to 43 yards rushing on 14 carries. They did allow their longest run of the season, but it went for all of 14 yards. In four games they have allowed just two runs over 10 yards, and an average of 42.8 yards per game. Both figures are best in the league by a fucking mile. It’s crazy that they were able to keep up this blistering pace on Sunday considering they played a two-high shell for nearly the entire game. This is an unsustainably awesome level of play, but it’s really fun to watch while it lasts. Ezekiel Elliot comes to town next week with the Cowboys, which should be a fun test. I doubt we’ll hold him to 42 yards, but I bet we knock him the fuck around a bit.

Mac even let Spriggs get his feet wet.

Pass Blocking: Obviously Arawdg had all day. I know they were only rushing four, and Lacy kept them honest with some good production, and the Packers kept a tight end or running back in to block quite a bit, but I don’t care. That was an NFL defense attempting to rush a quarterback, and being turned away like Homer Simpson at The Frying Dutchmen all-you-can-eat buffet. Why I’d sooner eat a bilge rat than shortchange the efforts of this blocking unit. Lane Taylor has replaced the purportedly cantankerous Josh Sitton seamlessly, Tretter has made Linsley a distant memory, and Bakh has emerged as a top tier Left Tackle. That’s all very good news.

This Play: This one. This one right here. I love how pumped up everybody is afterwards. At least four players are visibly excited and ready to bash skulls on the next play. It’s the kind of play that doesn’t scream at you from the stat sheet but has a significant impact on the game.

What I Didn’t Like:

MLBs in Coverage: Well the young bucks finally got exposed in coverage. Both Martinez and Ryan were beaten badly in the passing game, and we were extremely lucky it didn’t hurt us more than it did. It was shades of AJ Hawk and Brady Poppinga and Brandon Chillar and Brad Jones and I guess there aren’t any middle linebackers that can cover. It’s a tough position to play, you’re expected to play the run like a rabid dog but also have the discipline to quickly diagnose a play fake. There’s no substitute for experience at the position, and nobody on this roster has it. We’ll see more of them looking foolish matched up on a tight end, but that’s just how it has to be. Hopefully their mistakes continue to be masked by solid play everywhere else. Who knows, maybe they’ll defy the decades-long, league-wide trend of pass catchers burning linebackers.

Run/Pass Balance: Ugh. I don’t know, maybe I should just stop talking about it. It’s getting worse. 64% of our offensive plays were called passes. And that’s with Eddie Lacy averaging 7.4 fucking yards per carry. Yea, fine, he left with an injury, whatever. Starks and whats-his-face play this game too! Maybe running the ball isn’t as relevant as it once was, maybe you can get away with a pass happy offense, maybe I’m out of touch; but it is, you can’t, and I’m not.

**I WAS WRONG**

I’ve been outspoken in my disregard for our opponents to the north, and they have made me look foolish. I will own up to that. However I will not deign to mention their name, nor will I respect them in any way, shape, or form. That is all.

**WHAT WAS I DRINKING**

Dogfish Head Pumpkin Ale. It’s that time of year and I really enjoy a few pumpkin beers once in a great while.

**BONUS QUOTE OF THE WEEK**

“Like a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich, I’m good.”

     - Mystikal.....last time I swear

Week Two in Review

In the poetic prose of the immortal bard Mystikal, that was as fucked up as Santa Claus for Easter. It was a bad loss. I hate that I probably have to start showing the Vikings some measure of respect. I mean not respect in the sense that I respect them as people, players, or a team, but just in the sense that they may no longer be tiny little purple doormats. I just hate that. They have some pretty decent players on that defense and that’s the last nice thing I will say about them. The Packers played like shit on offense for the second week in a row, and did very little to inspire confidence in the coming weeks. The defense absolutely did their part on Sunday, but 14 points is rarely enough to get the job done in an offensive league.

What I Liked:

Daniels is a leader. If the world was fair he'd be an MVP candidate.

Defense: I liked almost everything thing they did. Four different players combined for four sacks, including an all-important tally from an interior defensive lineman (guess which one). Adrian Peterson averaged an awful 1.6 yards per carry, good enough for .2 yards better than the Vikings’ team average. That is fantastic run defense for two straight weeks now. Fantastic. It’s obviously too early to look at team stats, but the Packers run defense is leading the league in every fucking one of them. The defense yielded just 15 first downs all day, which is lower than the worst team average from 2015 (St. Louis Rams). The Vikings converted only 28.5% of their third down attempts, which would have been good enough for 29^th in the league last year. Also we hit the quarterback 10 times, historically enough to break Sam Bradford into 14 pieces. Basically only one Minnesota player was able to accomplish anything on offense, and an average offensive performance by the Packers would have produced a win.

Inside Linebackers: I was as worried about this position as any heading into the season, but these three guys have more than shut me up. Between the three of them; Ryan, Martinez, and Thomas have all of two years of NFL experience. ILB in a 3-4 defense is an active and demanding position, you have to cover tight ends and backs in the passing game, and be a missile in the middle of every running play. It’s been fun watching them split time and make plays so far. This week all three were in the top five tacklers on the team, and none has been exposed in the passing game yet. It’s always cool to see a perceived position of weakness become the opposite. Again, it’s very early, and young players often hit a wall during the long NFL season (especially long if you play for the Packers because we go to the playoffs every year), but it’s been an encouraging start to the year at ILB.

Jordy: He’s still not back to primetime Jody, catching just five of eleven targets, but he clearly improved from week one to two. He caught a vintage 50/50 contested Jordy toss-up for 39 yards and scored again. If he continues to improve he’ll once again be a force to be reckoned with for any defense.

What I Didn’t Like:

Aaron Rodgers: Honestly he looked about as bad as I’ve ever seen him. He consistently looked unsure of himself before the snap, locked onto primary targets, and struggled to find the open receiver. There were too many times when he drifted out of a perfectly good pocket, and too many off balance throws. I have to say he looked a bit like Cutler on a couple throws, relying on his physical tools instead of doing all the small things properly. Once again his yards per attempt (5.9) were very low, over two yards under his career average. He has now gone 14 straight games without a passer rating over 100, which is especially bad considering his CAREER passer rating is 103.8. His passer rating and QBR over the same 14 game span (2 games short of a full 16 game season) have both been worse than in his first year as a starter, and he’s turning the ball over as much as he ever has. In short, he’s currently in the midst of the worst stretch of football he’s ever played as a professional. I don’t know why it’s happening, but I do know that’s it’s not very fun to watch. Sara thinks it’s because his brother won the bachelor and he can’t handle that. My best guess is that he’s directing his laser focus towards the wrong things. What those might be (and what they should be), again I don’t know. I guess it’s time for McCarthy to earn his paycheck and manage the fucking talent.

Run/Pass Balance: Surprise, surprise, we couldn’t commit to the run. Again. Oh everyone talks about running the ball, getting Lacy involved, achieving an appropriate balance, but when the fuck is it going to happen? It can’t be that hard to just call some fucking running plays. It’s early enough in the season that we can probably get away with running the ball too much to prove a point. McCarthy has said before that the running game is a mindset, which is to say ‘sack up and run the fucking ball.’ So sack up and run the fucking ball.

Turnovers: Careless fumbles and crunch time picks lead to losses. All of the sudden we’re too good to play fundamentally sound football? I hate to break it to everyone but we haven’t really done shit in the postseason since 2010. It’s now 2016 and we haven’t played good ball in a year. It really is time to get back to basics, execute simple assignments, and protect the god damn ball.

**BONUS QUOTE OF THE WEEK**

'You forget that the fruits belong to all and that the land belongs to no one.'

    - Jean Jacques Rousseau

Week One in Review

I had it muted, nobody cared, the surgeon just off camera to the right was with me all the way.

Oh I’m sowwy we wuined your wittle pawty Jaguaws. ‘Oh we’re getting better and have a lot of young talent and are finally ready to win some games,’ fuck you. Blake Bortles. Yea right. Not my quarterback not my problem, that’s what I say. Rodgers summed it up succinctly when he said it’s hard to win in this league and it’s especially hard to win on the road in this league. Of course you’d like to blow out a team like the Jags, but a win is a win on the score sheet. You have to be happy about it and build off of it. Anyway, I’m on my honeymoon in a foreign country with a tenuous connection to civilization, but when the Packers win I get at my peeps. So lemme get at you about some shit that I liked and some shit that I didn’t like before I grab some more beers and head out to the next beautiful beach.

What I Liked:

I don't know, Eddie still looks fat to me.

Jordy Nelson: I mean how good was it to see the big dog back? It took a minute, and a few missed connections, but Jordy Nelson was once again a productive receiver for the Green Bay Packers. His longest catch was nine yards but I’ll be gad damned if he wasn’t handsome and exciting. We honestly could not have hoped for any better than several catches and a touchdown. He was movin around and stuff, makin plays, doin all manner of Jody thangs. He’s a good boy.

Run Defense: Now I understand that T.J. Yeldon and Denard Robinson aren’t exactly Thurman Thomas and Emmitt Smith, but them boys couldn’t run for SHIT against this D. The Jags averaged 1.8 yards per carry. And it’s not like they had five or six attempts, they tried to run 26 times! That has to be the difference in the game right there. Their longest run of the game was seven yards. I harp on establishing the run on offense all the time, and for good reason. It’s the foundation of nearly any productive offense. You either give up the tough yards or you take them, and our front seven took them on Sunday.

This is just cool.

Lane Taylor: Don’t recall the young man being mentioned even one time. The knock on Taylor is that he’s a downgrade from Sitton in terms of pass-blocking. That’s likely true, but Rodgers was sacked just once on Sunday and I don’t think it was Taylor who gave it up. Our backs averaged just 3.8 yards per carry, but obviously there’s about nine thousand factors that go into that particular stat. I’d say Taylor’s maiden voyage as our starting Left Guard was a success. He stood up to the pressure and put a non-disaster start on tape.

What I Didn’t Like:

Davante Adams: Okay, he had the touchdown, that was good, I’m with him on that, but the drops? Can we not do this again this year ‘Te? Can we really just not do this again? How a guy can seemingly make every tough catch in the book and so consistently drop passes delicately placed in his bread basket is beyond me. There is enough talent behind Adams that we don’t need him on the field, so I just hope Mac and company manage the depth chart at WR appropriately.

Run/Pass Balance: 65% of our offensive snaps were called passing plays: 34 passing attempts, 4 scrambles by Arodg, and 1 sack. That’s just too god damn many, especially in this type of game where it was close from start to finish. We have got to find a way to run the ball half of the time on offense. Lacy averaged 4.4 per carry, why not feed him more in the second half? Obviously we still don’t trust the running game in crunch time. I get that you want the ball in your best player’s hands when it matters most, I really do, but establishing the run is necessary. It’s not a fucking luxury, it’s necessary. Remember when we won that Superbowl? You know, the only one Rodgers has ever won (or gotten to for that matter)? Remember how important James Starks was during that playoff run and how running the ball helped us win important games against quality opponents? I mean because I remember that, and I’d sure like to win another Superbowl.

**BONUS QUOTE OF THE WEEK**

“If we are the greatest nation the sun ever shone upon, it would seem to be mainly because we have been able to goad our wage-earners to this pitch of frenzy.”

- Upton Sinclair

**WHAT WAS I DRINKING**

Some kind of red wine from Mallorca that was good and also a local beer that is fine.

Preseason

Wooooooooooooooooooooooo! Football! Footbawwl!! Aright! Summer is over and I couldn’t be happier. Starting next week Sundays are vaulted from the depths of hungover, cigarette-stankin’ misery, to the absolute pinnacle of human existence. There is NOTHING better than splashing a couple of cold ones on top of football Sunday jitters with a few friends. Monday morning couldn’t be any less meaningful. Fuck you corporate America, I’m watching the Packers kick ass! Here’s what I’m excited about and what I don’t care about:

What I’m excited about:

Jared Cook: He’s big, fast, and ugly. Exactly the kind of guy you want playing tight end for you. Sure, he’s never had more than 759 yards or 5 touchdowns in a season, but he’s also never had a quarterback better than Sam Bradford in his rookie year. Think about how motivated this guy is going to be; finally playing for a contender, with a god under center, after seven straight years of losing. Jared is going to have himself something to eat in the red zone. He’s going to need at least four side dishes and he may very well go back for thirds. If he stays healthy he’s setting career highs for yards and touchdowns. That’s just a thing that’s going to happen. You can see the excitement on Rodgers’ face when Cook is out there making catches. If these two can click right off the bat, we may see some big things.

Healthy Offensive Line: Bak is back, Bulaga is back, Lang is back, Linsley and Tretter are interchangeable, and Sitton is Sitton. I’ve said it a thousand times, but continuity on the offensive line is one of the most critical factors in the success of any football team. Obviously I don’t really know which teams have good offensive lines, but I’m sure our line has a chance to be among the best this year. It’s a talented, experienced unit that knows the offense well. I mean you tell me what’ll happen if Rodgers has time in the pocket. Are you kiddin me?™

What I don’t care about:

Jeff Janis: We’re talking about a guy with 11 career catches over two seasons, seven of which came in a single, weird game. We’re talking about a guy with a 16.7% catch rate during the 2015 regular season. That’s two catches on 12 targets. We’re talking about a guy who will, AT BEST, be the number five receiver on this roster and therefore insignificant from an offensive perspective. If he makes the team, it will be exclusively for his special teams contributions (which are admittedly admirable). He’s a non-factor on offense and I’m so tired of idiots droning on about how he deserves a chance. Really? If you’re going to question something, at least make it play calling so you might actually have a leg to stand on. Although I’m certain you’d still be wrong.

Punters: I mean fine, I get it, punting is important. But a certain point it’s just like, look, either this guy is gonna be the punter, or that guy is gonna be the punter. Either way nobody gives a shit about a punter. If you’re a punter you’re an embarrassment. The best you can do is to be the least noticeable embarrassment on the team. So do I give a shit what number you wear? Or what college you went to? Or what your name is? Obviously not. This is all time and energy spent discussing fucking punters that could have been spent on actual players. Shame on you eccentric little weirdos for somehow slithering into the spotlight. It’s time to skitter back to the cage Bill Parcels keeps you in as a part of his depraved carnival of sodomy and self-loathing.

Vegas has the Packers favored to win each and every game this year. Last I checked the line on total wins was at 11, higher than any other team in the league. Our only competition in the NFC North just lost their starting quarterback, Calvin Johnson retired, and Jay Cutler still plays for the Bears. Jordy Nelson is back, Eddie Lacy is fit, Clay Matthews is back at outside linebacker, and Aaron Rodgers is still under center. As usual, we have as a good a chance as any team to win the Superbowl. This year is gonna kick fucking ass and I can’t wait to watch these games with friends.

**BONUS QUOTE OF THE WEEK**

‘The era of political revolutions is over, and where such still occur they do not alter in the least the bases of the capitalist social order. On the one hand it becomes constantly clearer that bourgeois democracy is so degenerate that it is no longer capable of offering effective resistance to the threat of Fascism. On the other hand political Socialism has lost itself so completely in the dry channels of bourgeois politics that it no longer has any sympathy with the genuinely Socialistic education of the masses and never rises above advocacy of petty reforms. But the development of capitalism and the modern big state have brought us today to a situation where we are driving on under full sail toward a universal catastrophe…It, therefore, concerns us today to reconstruct the economic life of the peoples from the ground up and build it up anew in the spirit of Socialism. But only the producers themselves are fitted for this task, since they are the only value creating element in society out of which a new future can arise. Theirs must be the task of freeing labor from all the fetters which economic exploitation has fastened on it, of freeing society from all the institutions and procedure of political power, and of opening the way to an alliance of free groups of men and women based on cooperative labor and a planned administration of things in the interest of the community. To prepare the toiling masses in city and country for this objective of modern Anarcho-Syndicalism, and in this its whole purpose is exhausted.’

             -      Rudolf Rocker

**BONUS PHOTO OF ME AND MY WIFE FROM OUR WEDDING LAST WEEK** (photo cred to Big P)

Week Thirteen in Review

In what was almost certainly the most exciting Packers play in my lifetime that I didn’t watch, Aaron Rodgers completed his first ever successful Hail Mary. Richard Rodgers looked like an NBA center, boxing out the classically helpless Detroit defenders, ripping Lions fans’ hearts out with a squeaky clean catch. He turned around to face the defenders while the ball was in the air, and whether he planned it or not, I think it caused the defenders to focus their attention elsewhere. The throw was something else, sailing about 70 yards and a fucking mile in the air. Most professional QBs cannot make that throw; the list probably includes Aaron Rodgers, Joe Flacco, Jay Cutler, and that fat rapist out in Pittsburgh. It’s some measure of vindication for the Fail Mary in Seattle, even McCarthy couldn't hold back in his press conference. Road wins against divisional opponents are season changers, which makes the theatrics all the more impactful. We are now 8-4, poised to retake the division lead, two wins away from the magic nearly-always-playoff-guaranteeing-number 10, and headed back home to face a reeling Dallas squad. All that being said, I want to hear from whoever out there can honestly say they feel good about this team right now. I didn’t watch what should have been one of the most exciting sports-viewing moments of my life because the team was so frustratingly awful that I changed the channel and watched fucking Batman instead. I hate superheroes. I mean really, think about it, we beat the fucking Lions. The Lions suck. Not only that, we needed to recover our own fumble to put points on the board (lucky), come back from a 20 point second half deficit (unlikely), lateral three times on a laugher of a play (ugly), be handed an extra play after time had expired because of a penalty (Lions), and complete a 61 yard Hail Mary (super fucking lucky/Lions). The offense looks terrible and I just don’t get it. Richard Rodgers is the focal point? I’m glad he had a great game and made a great catch, but he is anything but great. And what the fuck is with our running game? Did we really just swap our third string back for another third string back, then give him the bulk of the meaningful carries in his first NFL appearance with Eddie Lacy and James Starks on the bench? What fucking sense does that make? That’s a panicky coaching move if I’ve ever seen one. If we make the playoffs playing the way we’re playing, it’ll be over quick. We need to get better because right now, and I really mean this, we’re one of the worst teams in the NFC. I’m not gonna say what I’m tempted to say about play calling, but I’ll just say I’m just sayin. Here’s what I liked and didn’t like:

What I Liked:

Richard Rodgers: I mean he was awesome. He looked so comfortable on the Hail Mary, seemingly no panic whatsoever as he clinched an irrefutable catch to win the game in spectacular fashion. I really want to know if that little turn around he did was on purpose or just something he did. Even before the touchdown he was clearly the best player on offense throughout the game. He had seven catches on seven targets for 85 yards before the score, already doubling the production of any other pass catcher on the field. I’m honestly happy to see him have a game like this, and I hope it’s a sign that he’s progressing as a receiver, but this offense cannot run through Richard Rodgers. It just can’t. And don’t even get me started on Justin Perillo.

Sam Shields: Sammy is overpaid and not a good tackler and not the kind of veteran that will make the younger corners better, but he had a good game on Thursday. As usual he was tasked with following Calvin Johnson around all day, and held his ground to the tune of just three catches on eight targets. Covering Megatron requires more than speed (which Shields has to burn); it requires confidence, physicality, instincts, good ball skills, and a short memory. In my opinion, Sammy showcased the whole package on Thursday and earned his gigantic game check.

Mike Daniels: As always, the big man was a force to be reckoned with. No sacks, but consistent pressure up the middle and two tackles behind the line of scrimmage. He’s the best player in the NFL that nobody outside of Green Bay has heard of. Right now he’s the best player on our defense. Better than Peppers, better than Sammy, better than Clay, and ten times better than any other lineman I didn’t already mention. His contract is up after this year. I’m saying right now, Thompson is resigning this guy for big money. If he doesn’t re-up on one of the biggest contracts handed out this offseason, I’ll eat my hat. I will eat my fucking hat. Mark it down. Hat. Eating it.

What I Didn’t Like:

Wide Receivers: Alright I held out as long as I could, but you can officially put me on the bandwagon bitching about the receivers. Davante’s got the yips. He’s dropping almost everything (he had a nice catch on the touchdown, so let’s not exaggerate), and yet is still being targeted as much as anyone. He’ll get past this. Almost every receiver goes through this kind of slump, drops seem to come in bunches, it’s a confidence thing. Hey ‘Te? You’re good. Keep that head up player. Jones appears to be simply outmatched in most situations. He doesn’t have the physical skill set to have sustained success. His lack of production over the last six games (10 catches on 24 targets) proves that his six touchdowns in as many games to start the year was an aberration. I like the guy but he just ain’t that good. Abbrederis and Janis are frustrating non-factors that have the physical tools but can’t put them to use. I’m not expecting any production from them no matter the circumstances, at this point they are off the radar. Randall Cobb is the real quandary here. The guy looked like a legitimate superstar last year, and seemed poised to absolutely take over in 2015. Instead he’s had just one 100 yard performance, and has a 62% catch per target ratio, well below the league average. It’s not like I watch film or anything, but it really doesn’t seem like he’s commanding THAT much attention in coverage. Add to that the occasional amazing catch that he flashes, and his season to this point can only be described as an under performance. He’s frustrated, that much is obvious. He’s probably pressing and expecting too much of himself, which is probably hurting his performance, but the bottom line is that we need him to figure it out if we expect to go anywhere this year. The offense should flow through him. He’s our best skill player by a mile and we need him to play like it. Ok enough about the receivers. Also we have no deep threat.

Ball Security: Three turnovers is three too many, obviously. Ball security (and by extension turnover differential) is perhaps the most important statistic in any game that isn’t the final score. James Starks fumbled twice and realistically it should have cost us the game. His upright running style puts the ball at risk to be stripped, it’s almost like some sort of position coach should try to work with him on that in high traffic areas. The pick was a well enough thrown ball that Jones couldn’t hang on to. Drops lead to picks, it’s not uncommon, so let’s hold on to the fucking ball when we get an opportunity, mkay pass catchers?

Running Game: Now I don’t know about you guys, but I tend to think that 41 yards on 19 carries isn’t going to get the job done in January. I mean sure, Eddie Lacy had a solid performance, averaging 0.8 yards on 5 carries, even busting open a 2 yarder, but what about the other guys? If John Crockett is gonna be the bell cow that we all predicted him to be at the beginning of the season, he’s gonna need to stop tripping over his own linemen in the backfield. At least Starks only fumbled once every 4.5 times he carried the ball. Great overall effort guys, keep this kind of production up and Canton will have to open up a new wing just for this backfield.

**Bonus Quote of the Week**

“Do you not know that a multitude of your brethren die or suffer from need of what you have in excess, and that you needed express and unanimous consent of the human race to appropriate for yourself anything from common subsistence that exceeded your own?”

- Jean Jacques Rousseau

**Bonus Quote of the Week #2**

"Crack of dawn, all is gone except the will to be."

- James Hetfield, I guess

**Extra Points**

• Running back Alonzo Harris has been released, he'll likely be signed to the practice squad
• Eddie Lacy was apparently benched for missing curfew Wednesday night
• Rookie Jake Ryan lead the team with 10 tackles this week
• At one point four of the five starting offensive linemen were out due to injury, that is not good

Week Eight in Review

How bout we start this week’s ramble with a quote, mkay? “It’s a long season, and we’re still in first place. We’re not pushing the panic button. One win doesn’t make a season and one loss doesn’t lose it. Nobody likes to lose but maybe this was a good thing for us. We’ll come back.” That’s a statement made by an oddly shaped human named Vince Lombardi. He made that statement after the undefeated 1965 Packers got their asses kicked in Chicago. Like most years back then, the Pack went on to win the 1965 NFL championship. Anyway the point is we lost one game, who gives a shit? I mean really, we’re on the road, in the thin air at Mile High, against an undefeated team with a badass defense, and everyone is surprised we lost? Ok fine, it was a particularly ugly loss, but I’m not freaking out even a tiny bit. Our receivers are banged up and we lost two corners early in the game. Anybody pissed off that we didn’t trade for Vernon Davis? Go on, you can tell me. You are? Good. Now stop reading my blog and go read a text book because your dumb ass needs an education. You know how we built this team? The draft. And guess what, that’s half the reason we go to the playoffs every god damn year. Ok so I’m a little mad, but it’s just one loss to a very good team. Stop freaking out and just watch the receivers respond to the criticism next week. One of them is going off, you heard it here first. Here’s what I liked and didn’t like:

What I Liked:

Demaryius Thomas vs. Demetri Goodson ... not ideal

Young Corners: So we gave up some production in terms of yards and catches (specifically a shitload of completions over the middle), but we were down our top corner and a nickel corner for most of the game. Demetri Goodson and Damarious Randall both came in and made some plays. Nothing more, nothing less. They were in a tough spot, covering talented wide receivers catching passes from a hall of fame quarterback. Experience like that is a big deal for young corners, and could really come in handy in January. Remember when Charles Woodson broke his collarbone in the Superbowl and Jarrett Bush made one of the biggest plays of the game in relief? Do you think Jarrett’s regular season experience prepared him for that difficult situation? It’s never good to lose good corners, but Sammy and Quinten will be back, and the young bucks got some snaps. It ain’t all bad.

(kicker size picture)

Mason Crosby: The Packers’ all-time leading scorer nailed a 56-yarder like he nails his most likely homely wife. That’s a long kick. We shouldn’t take for granted what a benefit it is for McCarthy to confidently send in the kicking unit from that distance. That kick kept us in the game at that point, when a miss would have given Denver the ball at their own 40 (we’ve been over this). It’s a big time kick and I’m glad he could do it in his home state, presumably with some family watching (kickers don’t have friends).

What I Didn’t Like:

Pass Protection: Not good. Not good at all. Rodgers was sacked three times and took seven hits. Those aren’t huge numbers, but he was clearly uncomfortable right off the bat. He was under duress all day and just had that weird look he gets once every other season when you know he’s just not feeling it. Even when he had time he was dancing around all weird and shit, unable to even hit his safety valve effectively. Obviously there’s a ton of factors (crowd noise, good pass rushers, snap count, etc), but the tackles have to do a better job. That was our starting offensive line. The same line whose collective knob I’ve been slobbing for weeks. That’s the best we’ve got, so they just have to do better. You can’t win games in this league if you can’t give your quarterback time in the pocket.

Pass Rush: I mean what was that all about? I understand that time of possession and an effective running game slow down the pass rush, but where was the fire? Clay Matthews and BJ Raji were the only two players showing any enthusiasm at all. I’m looking at you Julius Peppers, time to be a leader bud. You want a ring don’t ya? Well then pin those giant ears back, and pull your head out of your ass.

Aaron Rodgers: Ok I’m stupid, I’ll cop to that. But I can’t help but think that sometimes Rodgers is a little TOO careful. I kept wanting him to sling one downfield to whoever, but he never could pull the trigger. Is that a dumb thing to think? Probably. Did Rodgers have arguably the worst game of his career? Certainly. I love that he doesn’t throw picks, but there comes a time when you have to put the team on your back and try to make a play. It’s not about stats when you’re down by three scores in the second half. It’s about getting a fucking touchdown, NOW. If you don’t score, you’re gonna lose anyway, so why not throw up a 50/50 (or 30/70) ball? Give your guy a chance! An intercepted deep pass is often as good as a punt, so give er a go, eh?

**BONUS QUOTE OF THE WEEK**

“I suspect it is the same in all wars – always the same contrast between the sleek police in the rear and the ragged soldiers in the line.”

-          George Orwell (on the Spanish Civil War, a war he voluntarily left his home near London to fight in for the cause of Democracy over Fascism)

**EXTRA POINTS**

• The Packers have signed Justin Hamilton, a 315 pound undrafted rookie DT out of Louisiana - Lafayette, to the practice squad
• Sam Shields, Quinten Rollins, and Ty Montgomery are all considered day-to-day with non-serious injuries, all could play on Sunday
• Rodgers was pressured on 63% of his dropbacks on Sunday
• Rodgers averaged 3.5 yards per attempt on Sunday, the worst performance of his career

Week Five in Review

Are…are we a defensive team? The d-backs came up with four picks on Sunday, and ran one back for a score. We’ve given up 13 total points and hit the quarterback 21 times in the last two games. Our offense has struggled over the same span, turning the ball over and converting fewer than a 30% of our third down chances. Arodg’s much-celebrated interception free streak at Lambeau is over, and he should have been picked off three times on Sunday. Eddie Lacy ran for all of 27 yards on 13 carries, and our offensive line is banged up. Seems like we’re a defensive team, eh? Well we’re not. The defense is playing great and I couldn’t be more excited, but the team is still all about Aaron Rodgers. The offense will find its’ stride again soon, that much I’m sure of. In the meantime it’s god damn refreshing to win games when we’re not putting up 35 points a game. I seriously thought we were going to break Nick Foles in half. Aside from a long completion on an adorable little garbage time drive and a ridiculous completion on a fake fucking punt (Zook you mother f…wait, wait, not just yet), the Rams had 73 passing yards. This is not like what we did to Kaepernick last week, Foles is not a riotously terrible quarterback. The defense deserves a ton of credit for doing what they did, this unit might just be for real. Also Charles Woodson picked off Peyton Manning twice on Sunday. He’s now tied with Ed Reed for the sixth most career interceptions with 64. Rod Woodson is the only modern era player with more, but his mark of 71 is seemingly within reach for the ageless fucking wonder Woodson. He plays a beautiful style of football, I mean the guy is 39 years old. This has nothing to do with the Pack but it’s too god damn awesome to include as a footnote. Anything Charles Woodson does is front page shit in my book. Here’s what I liked and didn’t like:

What I Liked:

Pass Rush: Three sacks is pretty good. Peppers and Matthews were on the board as usual, tallying 1 and 1.5 respectively. But we hit the quarterback 14 freaking times! Five different players hit Foles, and a few of those hits were vicious. There are so many reasons that hitting the quarterback is a good thing to do. For one thing, you could hurt him, which is terrific. A lot of quarterbacks get rattled when they’re taking hits; tempers flare, bad decisions are made, picks get thrown, all good things. Two picks and a touchdown were a direct result of hits on Foles, both plays that would have been sacks had he not chucked up hilariously doomed attempts. There are certain stats that if you see them on the box score, you don’t need to see anything else to know who won the game. If you hit the quarterback enough times, you are going to win the game. I don’t know what the magic number is, but it’s probably around 14. The offense was off and it didn’t matter because Foles was running for his life all day.

Ty Montgomery: He’s now stringing together good performances. Four catches on five targets including a touchdown, accounting for 25% of the Packers’ total yards receiving. He’s doing everything right and sure as hell looks like the kind of guy Thompson keeps around for six or eight years. His career is still in its’ infancy, but you basically can’t ask for a better start. This offense is incredibly complex even before Rodgers makes ten checks at the line (including a smirk or nod or some weird shit that these receivers apparently somehow understand), and Ty’s only had a few months to study it. To succeed this quickly is incredible. Clearly he’s producing on the go route in practice, since he’s now been targeted on deep balls in consecutive weeks. If he and Rodgers can get on the same page with that route, might be some shit nomsayin?

Interceptions: We had four of em and ran one back for a touchdown. That’s real good. Also I wish people would stop saying ‘pick six.’ The problem is that it rolls off the tongue so smoothly. Also it’s a devastating play that deserves its’ own moniker. I just feel like someone out there can do better than ‘pick six.’

Datone Jones: Datone Jones you ask? But he didn’t have a single tackle, you continue, only further elucidating your ignorance. Look a little past the stat sheet you fucking idiot! God damn if I combined the brain cells of all my readers it might create an organism intelligent enough to excrete. He blocked a kick and hit the qb three times and got a game ball you idiots. God. Everybody likes to shit on old Datone, mostly on account of his first round pick status, so I just want to be sure to give the man his dues when he has a good game. Of course that’ll probably be all he does this year, but whatever, he’s just a depth guy anyway.

What I Didn’t Like:

Ron Zook: If it’s not one thing it’s another with this fucking guy. The TV networks do this thing where a coach, for some reason that I can’t decipher, reveals an aspect of his game plan just before the game. Then the color commentator says, ‘Well Ian coach such-and-such tells me he’s gonna do blah blah blah and look at how informed and connected I am.’ Then the fans at home feel all warm and fuzzy like they’re somehow in the know, the networks shove in another 30 seconds of commercials without consequences, and Jerry Jones wrings his hands maniacally. Anyway the point is they’ve been doing this long enough that I know about it, which means teams know about it, which means teams have a guy watching the broadcast in an effort to gain an advantage, which means Zook knew the Rams were going to attempt a fake, which means he’s a shitty fucking coach that sucks at his job and should just go back to whatever retirement community we assisted him out of. Where are all the loud mouths constantly calling for Dom Capers’ head? IS NO ONE PAYING ATTENTION TO THIS?!

Aaron Rodgers: Hey Aaron? What, ahhhh, what was that buddy? I couldn’t help but notice you throwing passes to the wrong team. What’s, ahhh, what’s the deal here? I’m gonna just move on from this, but let’s make sure we don’t do it again, okay? Good, glad we were able to have this little chat. Hit the showers Champ.

Jeff Janis: Fuck this guy. He’s a fixture in the ‘what I didn’t like’ category. How do you push that ball into the end zone on a perfect punt? It bounced backwards and was rolling backwards. It’s almost like the special teams coach has no idea how to do his job. Janis is a moron and if I were Ted Thompson I’d be this fucking close to cutting him.

**Bonus Quote of the Week**

“When we talk about morality, and when we talk about justice, we have to, in my view, understand that there is no justice when so few have so much, and so many have so little…You have to think of the morality of that, the justice of that, and whether or not that is what we want to see in our country. In my view, there is no justice when in recent years we have seen a proliferation of millionaires, and billionaires, while at the same time the United States of America has the highest rate of childhood poverty of any major country on earth. How can we talk about morality, about justice, when we turn our backs on the children of our country?”

- Bernie Sanders

**Extra Points**

• Aaron Rodgers’ streak of pass attempts without an interception at home ended at 586. That is insane and will likely never be done again.
• Myles White was promoted to Giants’ active roster and saw action on Sunday.
• Safety Sean Richardson suffered what appears to be a career threatening neck injury in practice last week. He’s been a key special teams contributor and has played a lot of snaps on defense for us. Hopefully his quality of life isn’t significantly impacted by the injury.
• Guard TJ Lang said via his Twitter account that the injury to his knee is ‘nothing serious.’ I really hope he’s right because he’s one of the most important players on this team.