Week Seventeen in Review

NFC North Champions!! WOOOOOOO!!!! That was some SHIT right there!!! I mean holy SHIT!!!! What a season. This is as satisfying a division championship as I can remember. There's just something about clawing your way through all kinds of adversity that makes you appreciate the accomplishment that much more. Props to Matt Flynn and the coaching staff for navigating Aaron Rodgers' absence with aplomb. Huge props to Aaron Rodgers for coming back after eight weeks off, shaking off early mistakes, and engineering a magnificent 15 play, 87 yard, game-winning, come-from-behind drive that featured three fourth down conversions. Anyone got anything to say about Aaron Rodgers in the clutch now? I didn't fucking think so. Here's a joke: Matt Forte, Jay Cutler, Brandon Marshall, Julius Peppers, and Lance Briggs walk into a bar.... to watch the Packers in the playoffs. We've got the Niners in Lambeau this week, and regardless of what anyone has said or continues to say, we are a dangerous team right now, particularly at home. We're in the tournament and get at least one more week of meaningful Packer football. Life is pretty good right now. Here's what I liked and didn't like:

What I Liked:

Jordy Nelson: Quick, name three wideouts better than Jordy Nelson. Take a second. That's right, you can't. Maybe if you had four or five minutes you could come up with four that are better right now (I've got Josh Gordon, Calvin Johnson, A.J. Green, and maaaaaybe Antonio Brown), which puts Jordy Nelson at number five. He's got the ability to come down with most any pass thrown in his general vicinity, has well above average speed for a receiver, runs excellent routes, and clearly has a rapport with Aaron Rodgers, as evidenced by his 16 targets this past Sunday. He's a superstar that has averaged over 1100 yards and 10 touchdowns over the last three seasons. He's under contract for a paltry $2.55 million in 2014, and set to be a free agent in 2015. Extending his contract is obviously a priority this off-season, but he's outplayed his current deal by a country mile. He's gonna get paid, and I'm quite sure the Packers will be writing the checks.

Running Game: With star running back Eddie Lacy hobbled by a sprained right ankle, the running game had to be a team affair on Sunday, and that's exactly what it was. Lacy gamely fought through pain 21 times for 66 yards and a creative score, but Jimmy Starks really picked up the slack, going 88 yards on just 11 carries. Add in the absolutely crucial fourth down one yard carry by John Kuhn and a five yard first down pick up on that same final drive by Rodgers, and we had a darn good day on the ground. 34 carries to 39 passing attempts is some nice balance on offense, something we'll need this week against the stout Niners defense.

John Kuhn: I was all set to post an attempt at satire poking fun at John Kuhn, and then he goes out and proves what an idiot I really am. He saved our season not once, but twice on Sunday, picking up a yard on fourth and one, and then picking up an untouched Julius Peppers on fourth and eight. He's a stalwart on this offense and deserves some fucking credit. Thank you John Kuhn for being our unsung hero.

BALLS: What does it take to go for it on fourth and one in the fourth quarter deep in your own territory? Balls. What does it take to play running back in the NFL on a sprained ankle? Balls. What does it take to convert not one, but THREE fourth downs on the final drive to comeback against your biggest rival with the season on the line? Balls. And what does it take to throw a 48 yard touchdown on fourth down with Julius Peppers in your face? That's right, big old giant fucking balls. Let's see what kinda balls you got San Fran.

What I Didn't Like:

Safeties: Getting real tired of writing about you guys. Getting real tired of it. Can't you just play an average game so I can at least shit on someone else? Seriously, I like you guys, this hurts me more than it hurts you. Anyway what that hell was Morgan Burnett doing on that long pass to Alshon Jeffery? The defense was clearly two man under, with Shields playing his position perfectly and expecting help over the top. Burnett, whose job is simply to NOT GET BEAT DEEP inexplicably bites on a shallow(er) crossing route, leaving Jeffery comically open 40 yards downfield. Oh and by the way, Tramon Williams officially tackles better than all of you. If that doesn't motivate you, I don't know what will.

Kick and Punt Coverage: I know he's Devin Hester, but this is 2013 Devin Hester, a long way removed from six touchdown, shit-your-pants-scary 2006 Devin Hester. He's averaging 25 yards per kick return this year, and has just one return touchdown total. He's still good, don't get me wrong, but I shouldn't have to be terrified every time he touches the ball. I know I wasn't the only one holding my breath on that last return. Special teams have to be air tight against a team like San Fran, but we do have the benefit of playing in the not-so-friendly confines of Lambeau Field.

Pass Rush: Virtually non-existent. It's a good thing Jay Cutler sucks, because any good qb would likely have shredded us. Anybody that underestimates the importance of Clay Matthews is an idiot. He's so clearly the second most important player on our team. Andy Mulumba had our only sack (a sack he definitely earned), and Mike Daniels got close a couple of times, but that is all you can say for our pass rush. Colin Kaepernick is averaging just 1.3 TDs and under 200 yards per game. If we can get pressure on him we can shut him down. We'll have to be disciplined in how we rush so that we don't open huge running lanes for him, but we have to get pressure. We've seen what he can do with time.

Extra Points:

- For once, McCarthy had no significant injuries to report following Sunday's game.

- Jay Cutler is now 1-8 against the Packers as a Bear. Which is just terrific.

- Clay Matthews will not play against the 49ers, but may return at some point if we continue to win games.

- Randall Cobb had two targets in his return. For two touchdowns. Including the game winner. And I love him.

- Mason Crosby finished the season with a field goal percentage over 89%, having connected on all 22 attempts from inside 40 yards. Congratulations on an excellent bounce back season.

- Here it is. In all its glory.

**I WAS WRONG**

I said that in order for the Packers to make the playoffs, Aaron Rodgers needed to come back by the first week in December. It appears I underestimated the skill and determination of this franchise. I was wrong, Matt Flynn was right.

**BONUS QUOTE OF THE WEEK**

"I'm called 'the poorest president,' but I don't feel poor. Poor people are those who only work to try to keep an expensive lifestyle, and always want more and more."

- Jose Mujica, former left-wing guerrilla and current President of Uruguay, known for donating 90% of his $12,000 monthly salary to charities that benefit destitute people and small business owners, and eschewing this palace for this farmhouse and this car. He's also an atheist who recently legalized marijuana. In other words he's my kinda guy.

**WHAT WAS I DRINKING**

Corona. It was awful. (not pictured: Corona)

Week Sixteen in Review

Let's hear it for a shitty NFC North! Special thanks to Jay Cutler and Matthew Stafford. We couldn't have done it without you guys. Jim Schwartz. I just cannot say enough about Jim Schwartz. The guy has been here through it all, and nobody (I mean NOBODY) has done more for our playoff hopes than him. His commitment to the Green Bay Packers franchise has meant the world to us. Consistently unspectacular play throughout the division has set the Packers and Bears on a collision course at Soldier Field that is sure to be packed with incompletions, missed assignments, poor clock management, and all the other trappings of mediocrity. This one is gonna hinge on a timely botched snap, I can just feel it. At the end of the day we've been gifted a chance to make the playoffs, and get to watch at least one more meaningful game of Packer football this year. I'm still excited. Here's what I liked and didn't like about that shit sandwich yesterday that was trumped only by the stinkier shit sandwiches in Detroit and Philadelphia:

What I Liked:

Eddie Lacy (again): Played through pain to record two touchdowns and 84 yards on just 15 carries. He has an uncanny ability to turn a horribly blocked play going nowhere into three or four yards. Let's face it, that's a skill you need to produce as a runner behind this line. He's a 'whatever it takes' type back that clearly loves contact. He'll bring the fight to you whether you like it or not. Nobody was stopping him from scoring on his first run, a play in which the designed running lane never appeared. He had the vision to cut it back side, the speed to get the edge, and the power to blast through a tackle to score. He's got it all.

Pass Defense: I know we gave up 38 points, and I know we gave up 104 yards to Antonio Brown, and I know we only had one sack, but I'm chalking this up as a win for the pass defense. Roethlisberger gained just 5.58 yards per passing play. That is a really low number. So low that it would have been good for 30th in the league last year among starting quarterbacks. Antonio Brown was the only player to have more than 30 receiving yards yesterday, but he's AVERAGING 99.46 yards per game. He's third in the league behind only Megatron and the seemingly unstoppable Josh Gordon (side note - Imagine if Josh Gordon played for a team that had a quarterback. He's got 1564 receiving yards in 15 games, and he plays for the Browns!). So Antonio Brown is gonna get his. The 30 yard pass on the fake punt hurt, but that's on Shawn Slocum and the special teams unit, not the secondary or the pass rush. Overall a good day for the pass defense and something to build off of.

Micah Hyde: He added another big day to his already impressive rookie campaign. He was both solid and electrifying on special teams, recording 167 yards on five kick returns, including the timely 70 yarder that the offense couldn't finish. He also fielded every punt cleanly on a day when the frozen tundra lived up to it's name. That's no simple task. Six tackles and a nice pass break-up certainly earned him some more playing time on defense next week. This is one guy that I'm very excited about, and I could see him developing into a big time player. So far he's proven to be an excellent pick by Ted Thompson.

What I Didn't Like:

Matt Flynn: I know I was calling for the front office to bring him back, and I stand by that opinion. He's clearly better than Scoots Tolzien, but that doesn't mean he's good. There are things to like about him (accuracy on short routes, rapport with certain receivers, knowledge of the offense, ability to run the no-huddle), but there are also some glaring holes in his game (inability to throw the deep ball, tendency to lock onto his first option, total lack of pocket presence, etc.). Complaining about a decent back-up is a bit like complaining that the chick you met on Craigslist has a c-section scar and a dead tooth, but he's obviously nothing more than a back-up. 5.2 yards per passing play is terrible, and 7 for 20 in the second half including a fumble and a pick six is worse. I'll be happy to keep him around going forward, but I just won't feel confident if he's forced into extended action. One or two games is great, but half a season ain't gonna work.

Run Defense: For all the hype surrounding Le'Veon Bell coming into the game yesterday, he was only averaging 3.3 yards per carry. That's not terrible, but he wasn't a back worth talking about. Naturally the Packers' defense went ahead and surrendered 4.8 yards per carry to the rookie and made him look better than he is. It was pretty clear to me that the front seven was really missing Johnny Jolly, and he ain't coming back this year. Somebody is going to have to step up and be a leader in the trenches or this season will be over real soon. CALLING B.J. RAJI!

Penalties: Nine penalties for 90 yards is too many. It's not the worst I've ever seen, but the off-sides on the field goal attempt was inexcusable. Offensive holding penalties are drive killers, and we committed six of them. You can't expect a back-up quarterback to overcome unfavorable down-and-distances.

Extra Points:

- A.J. Hawk is now just five tackles away from being the Packers' all time leader in tackles. Let's give him some credit already god dammit! All he does is show up, produce, and keep his mouth shut. We could use more players like him.

- At 1112 yards, Eddie Lacy has already set the Packers' franchise record for rushing yards by a rookie, beating out John Brockington's 1105 in 1971.

- Brandon Bostick and Johnny Jolly have been placed on injured reserve.

- The Packers have sent a player in motion ONE time in 128 total passing attempts by Matt Flynn. That's weird. A player in motion helps the quarterback determine if the coverage is man or zone before the snap, which is obviously helpful information to have. I have to wonder why they're almost completely neglecting this tactic.

**BONUS QUOTE OF THE WEEK**

"The memory of oppressed people is one thing that cannot be taken away, and for such people, with such memories, revolt is always an inch below the surface."

- Howard Zinn

**WHAT WAS I DRINKING**

Four Brothers' Prodigal Son. It's a local brewery that specializes in 'blended beers,' this one happens to be an IPA blended with a cream ale. I was expecting something a bit more hoppy, but it was tasty and highly drinkable.

Week Fifteen in Review

Holy shit! Okay, I'm trying really hard to avoid the ever-present (no pun intended) quicksand of hyperbole, but I think I can honestly say that was one of the best football games I've ever seen. Down 26-3 at halftime, offense looking helpless against the league's worst defense, back-up qb under center, we put together a half of football I'm going to remember for a long time. There is so much credit to go around here that it's tough to talk about a single player's performance. Our offense scored a touchdown on every single second half possession until they were in the victory formation. The defense clamped down and made two unbelievable plays. The narrative in the media is all about the Cowboys' collapse, but the collapse never would have been were it not for some inspired football from the Pack. Huge credit to the coaching staff and the locker room leaders for keeping the team together in the face of such adversity. Oh and by the way, the Lions lost last night, so we, uh, CONTROL OUR OWN DESTINY WITH TWO GAMES TO GO! Shit just got real. Here's what I liked and didn't like:

What I Liked:

Back-up Pass Catchers: I know Nelson and Jones both had touchdowns, and Jordy made this catch, and this catch, but I gotta give props to the back ups. Jarrett Boykin and Andrew Quarless combined for 12 catches on 12 targets, 149 yards, a touchdown, six first downs, and two crucial third down conversions. That's excellent production for two guys that most fans (and I'm guessing a few coaches) never wanted to see on the field. Quarless (despite some absolutely abhorrent tattoos) seems to be developing into a legitimate receiving threat. He and Boykin both played with tremendous confidence, and it's a good sign for the future of this receiving core.

Eddie Lacy: Four catches, 21 carries, 171 total yards, and the game winning touchdown. I cannot tell you how satisfying it is to finally have a running back that can pick up the tough yards. I absolutely love this guy. He's exactly what we needed. Of course the offensive line deserves credit for opening up holes, but Lacy is flat out getting it done. He's now amassed over a thousand yards rushing and eight rushing touchdowns, and is clearly the front-runner for rookie of the year.

He really shouldn't be draggin his mink on the floor like that.

Tramon Williams: This guy has been under fire lately from seemingly every angle (including this blog), and shut the critics right the fuck up. He started the game by doing something I'm not sure he's ever done, actually embracing his responsibility to tackle. I know he's been dealing with a bum shoulder for a few years now, but I had really had it up to here with his unwillingness to take on ball carriers. He bucked that trend on Sunday and showed some toughness. Papa Charles would be proud. Then he snatches an improbable pick and returns it inside the ten yard line, only to have it snatched right back from him. So what does he do? Does he pout and lick his wounds and prepare his locker room complaints to the media? Fuck no. He goes out and makes this play to seal the most improbable victory I've seen in a long time. Papa Charles would be really proud. Congratulations on a huge game Tramon, now keep it up. Plus Sara informs me he's 'super cute,' which of course I had never noticed before.

The Whole Fucking Organization in the Second Half: I mean seriously, I could have picked damn near anyone to write about in 'What I Liked.' We made all the right play calls on offense and defense, we didn't panic or give up (I'm looking at you Dez Bryant), we made amazing catches, we blocked our asses off, we got after the QB, we were solid on special teams, the list goes on. McCarthy talks all the time about the character of his football team, and it was on full display last night. This is what football is all about.

What I Didn't Like:

Safeties: Man this position group has been a day late and a dollar short all year. If I had a nickel for every time Burnett or Jennings or Banjo or whoever was pushing someone out of bounds 30 yards downfield... They don't even tackle well! Burnett has taken a step back this year, and his rotating counterparts are just terrible. The corner play has at least been up and down, but the safeties started down and have stayed there. None of them has a pick this year. Not one pick by a safety. If that's not telling I don't know what is.

Run Defense: Demarco Murray is a good back, but fucking superman shouldn't average 7.4 yards per carry. It seemed like every time he touched the ball he was gashing us for a big gainer. That Murray is a real gash. But for real, have some pride defense. You can't let guys walk all over you like that. You have to wonder what would have happened if Jason Garrett actually let Murray touch the ball in the second half.

First Half: As beautiful as the second half was, that's how ugly the first half was. Overcoming that kind of deficit was amazing and tons of fun to watch, but we WILL NOT be able to do that again. The Steelers are too smart and too well coached and too proud to let that kind of thing happen. We're all riding high right now (as we should be), but one more half like that and it's season over. So quit fuckin around guys and just be awesome all the time. You know?

Extra Points:

- Rookie J.C. Tretter was activated from the PUP list this week and will likely suit up as an emergency O-Line backup.

- Backup MLB Jamari Lattimore apparently made an impactful speech in the locker room at halftime. That Micah Hyde missed because he had to take a dump.

- Sam Shields is as enigmatic as a player gets. He shows these occasional flashes of brilliance that make you think he might just be a hall of famer, which of course he is not.

- Aaron Rodgers and Randall Cobb have still not been medically cleared to play, pending examinations later on this week.

**BONUS LIST OF DOG NAMES I HATE**

1. Bentley

2. Bella

3. Remington

**BONUS LEGISLATION WE CAN ALL GET BEHIND**

The NFL (that's right, the $9 billion dollar corporate conglomerate) DOESN'T PAY CORPORATE TAXES. What the fuck? How is this possible? How did I not know about this? What an insulting example of money driving legislation. Tax these billionaire owners just like everyone else gets taxed, and build a fucking school you cock suckers.

**BONUS QUOTE OF THE WEEK**

"Everyone's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's really an easy way: stop participating in it."

- Chomsky

**WHAT WAS I DRINKING**

Sierra Nevada Pale Ale. It tasted funny. I think there might have been some soap in my glass. I was not fazed.

Week Twelve in Review

The more I think about this game, the less satisfaction I derive from it. It was a big deal to pull off the tie, we displayed some heroics in doing so, and we somehow inched a half game closer to first place. It was a fun one to watch, and I was crushing high lives just to keep from going crazy, but this just doesn't sit well with me. The Vikings are absolute shit. They really are. They have one good player on offense, holes all over their aging defense, and a mute for a coach. We really let that team waltz into Lambeau and not take a loss? It's embarrassing. With Rodgers under center we would have walked those fools on out of town in a laugher, I'm sure of it. It's just getting harder and harder to watch my team like this. It's like hanging out with your buddy who quit drinking. It's like, yea he's still cool and everything but you just don't want him around, casting glances, making sense late at night, etc. Matt Flynn's gonna get the start tomorrow at Detroit in a game that will have huge playoff implications. I get the feeling that nothing is going to come easy for either team. We're gonna need some breaks to pull this one off, but stranger things have most certainly happened. Amazingly, we still control our own destiny. Win out and we're in the playoffs. Here's what I liked and didn't like:

What I Liked:

Eddie Lacy: That was a statement game if I've ever seen one. Lacy was on a mission and was not about to be stopped. It seemed to me that he felt challenged to rise to the occasion of putting the team on his back, knowing that we had a shit quarterback under center. He made a case to be counted among the best backs in the league. The 4.4 YPC and 158 yards from scrimmage were great, but it was his ability to create yardage on his own that really impressed me. I mean, just look at this run! Or this one on fourth and one! I'm excited about this guy and cannot wait to see what he develops into. Just imagine if we could block for him.

It's almost like we should have re-signed him sooner...

Matt Flynn: Mike McCarthy said we needed a spark and I'll be god damned if Matty didn't give us one. The dude came in ice cold, down by a bunch, back in town less than a week, and does that? What a performance. Now his yards per passing play and completion percentage were nothing special, and he did fail to get us into the end zone from inside the 10 yard line twice, but that was a truly impressive showing if you ask me. He'll of course get the start tomorrow, and we're still not sure if his elbow is strong enough to be accurate down the field, but you have to be more optimistic with Flynn taking snaps than Scott 'Why the Fuck Do People Keep Saying I'm Good' Tolzien. Last time Flynn took meaningful snaps he was in Detroit, and threw for 480 yards and six touchdowns. I'm not sayin, I'm just sayin.

Clay Matthews: The guy's a fucking warrior. Nobody battles like he does. It's no wonder he's constantly getting hurt, all he does is lace 'em up and go bat shit fucking crazy for three hours. He absolutely dominated the line of scrimmage until Leslie Frazier remembered that he existed and slid help to his side every play. It was great to see Hawk, Jones, Neal, and Daniels take advantage of the one on one matchups created by the necessity to double Matthews. Clay may have only had two sacks, but he very much created the other four. He's the quintessential example of what a top tier outside pass rusher can do for a defense. In this case, he makes a bad one good.

What I Didn't Like:

this fuckin guy

Run Defense: Just embarrassing. 146 yards on 32 carries to Peterson is one thing, but 91 on eight to Toby Gerhart? He's white. And a backup. And kinda fat. He's basically John Kuhn if John Kuhn started most days with a six pack of Budweiser. I mean sure, he'd be strong and stubborn and probably pretty fun at the family Christmas party before 8:00 pm, but an eight yard per carry back? I think not. The defense looked disinterested for the most part. In defense of the defense, they were most likely gassed due to Scott Tolzien's inability to complete a forward pass to a teammate. I'll give them credit for stepping up in the fourth quarter, but you can't give too much credit considering it took three quarters to get their act together.

Tight Ends: How good does Jermichael Finley look now? Our tight ends managed just three catches on eight targets, and have been a non-factor since J-Mike went down. Finley has three times as many touchdown receptions as the rest of the tight ends combined, and he hasn't played in six weeks. An athletic tight end is a ridiculously useful weapon to have for so many reasons. If you can force a defense to contend with a big, fast receiving threat down the middle of the field, it changes the entire game, and that's not an exaggeration. Oh and by the way, tight end Andrew Quarless said after the game that he thought there'd be a second overtime if the first one ended in a tie. And he's got 'Gods Gifts' tattooed up his arms. Unless Brandon Bostick can develop into a legitimate receiving threat, tight end will be one of the most pressing positions of need in the immediate future.

Scott Tolzien: I'm not looking to pour dirt on his grave or anything, so I'll just point out the obvious. Scott Tolzien is not a viable option as the primary backup.

Extra Points:

- The Packers have reportedly offered B.J. Raji a contract in the neighborhood of $8 million per year for an undisclosed number of years (likely three or four), proving once again that I'm not qualified to analyze the performance of an interior lineman.

- The defense has combined for a total of four interceptions this year, good for last in the league. Nobody has multiple interceptions.

- The Packers will be using their fourth different starting quarterback in five games tomorrow.

- Rookie Jonathan Franklin has been placed on injured reserve, ending his season. Maybe next year he won't fumble in literally every game in which he touched the ball.

- What looked like a possible concussion towards the end of the game for Eddie Lacy was in fact an asthma attack.

- Russ Feingold was the ONLY senator to vote against the Patriot Act, a nasty piece of legislation that grossly curtails your civil liberties.

**BONUS CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE**

I hate to do this, but I gotta give a shout out to Xavier Rhodes. The rookie cornerback played one hell of a game on Sunday. He broke up four passes, at least three of them downfield, and two of them in spectacular fashion. I was honestly impressed. See? I'm totally a grown up.

**WHAT WAS I DRINKING**

High Life in a can. It was flowing. I had at least seven.

Week Eleven in Review

This is what it feels like to be a Cleveland Browns fan. Tuning in every week, pissed off before the game even starts, knowing your guy ain't got what it takes, and yet somehow getting your hopes up anyway. This is Derek Anderson and Brady Quinn and Charley Frye and Tim Couch and so on. Your friends don't even want to make fun of you any more. It feels like kicking a dog. It's not any fun, I understand that. I'm not trying to be a Pollyanna about this, but our playoff chances were only slightly diminished by yesterday's loss. The first place Lions lost, the Bears won, and we're still just one game out of first place, with a game remaining against both division rivals. We've also got the Vikings at home on Sunday, a game that is winnable no matter who's under center. We're not in 'must win' territory (since a loss would not mathematically eliminate us from playoff contention, the only circumstance in which a game is 'must win'), but this next game is important. Anyone who saw Rodgers on the sideline yesterday could tell that he's dying to play. I still don't think he makes it back for the Lions game, but I get the impression that he's gonna push hard for it. It can't be easy to watch his team flounder like this. The obvious silver lining is that our backup QB is getting incredibly valuable regular season snaps, which could make him a more viable second option down the road. It's a reach, but we gotta take something positive away from that performance yesterday. Here's what I liked and didn't like:

What I Liked:

Jordy Nelson: Well I don't think I've ever seen THAT Jordy before. I've seen the 8-catches-and-100-yards Jordy before, but I've never seen the shit-talking-show-boating-shoving-defenders-out-the-fucking-way Jordy before. Our good old boy from Kansas looked downright pissed off yesterday, and I liked it. Clearly Jordy is not the type of player to take losing lightly. Pissed off Jordy is great, especially when he's as productive as he was yesterday, but let's see if he can become the kind of leader that elevates the level of play around him. We could sure as hell use some leadership like that on offense right now.

Third Down Defense: The Giants managed to go just 4 of 14 on third down. Various other shortcomings rendered this normally important stat irrelevant yesterday, but it's still important to me god dammit. 

Brad Jones: The production from our middle linebackers just keeps coming. Thirteen tackles, three of them for a loss, a sack and another hit on the quarterback. He was flying around, making great reads, blowing plays up, basically doing just what you want your best middle linebacker to do. Credit the scouting department and Ted Thompson for plucking the underrated Jones in the seventh round five years ago, and credit the coaching staff for moving him from outside linebacker to inside linebacker halfway through his career. It has worked out well. Of course he was MIA on the two converted 4th and 1's...

What I Didn't Like:

Coaching Decisions: Now I'm not gonna be so brash as to question McCarthy's play calling overall, but I'm also not going to be so compliant as to simply accept his decisions on fourth down. The fake punt was predictable, unimaginative, and a failure. Do you really think a direct snap sweep to M.D. Jennings is your best chance to pick up six yards? How about you just run a normal fucking play? You know, like, maybe a pass to one of your awesome receivers? Or a draw play to your awesome running back if you've already sold out on the whole misdirection thing? Anyway this was as clear an example of out-coaching yourself as I can remember. Worse than the fake punt was the decision to actually punt on fourth and one, down by two scores, with under 11 minutes to play. You just knew the game was over at that point. This game is a black mark on Mac C's coaching record if you ask me.

Scott Tolzien: Go ahead. Go ahead and defend his performance yesterday. Point out the deep balls. Point out the yards. Point out the 'grit.' Go ahead and reveal what a dumb shit you are. Sorry, sorry, I don't take losing well. All I'm saying is, this guy sucks. You can throw for 900 yards for all I care, it doesn't mean a fucking thing if you can't score touchdowns and you throw three picks. He was rushing throws, staring down receivers, generally looking like a first time starter. He also didn't get sacked once, so it's not like he didn't have time to work through his progressions. And let's not forget that the Giants secondary is dog shit. I'm less confident in Scotty 2 Hotty now than I was before the game yesterday, and McCarthy has a decision to make.

Running Game: Obviously the Giants knew we were going to need to run the ball, and they clearly won the classic "who can execute when we all know what is going to happen" battle. Twenty rushes for 55 yards. Eddie Lacy averaged just 1.9 yards per carry, but he ran into a brick wall every time he touched the ball. The blockers just couldn't open any holes for the backs. Again, a little more creativity in how we tried to run the ball would have been nice (perhaps another toss or two, a shovel pass, a draw, an end-around). Maybe Don Barclay's absence at right tackle was the reason, maybe it wasn't, but 55 yards on the ground won't get it done, with or without Aaron Rodgers.

Extra Points:

- Greg Olsen, Jordan Reed, Jason Witten, Denarius Moore, Keenan Allen, Josh Gordon. A list of just a few of the pass catchers who have more receptions, yards, AND touchdowns than the once elite Greg Jennings. Jennings does not rank in the top 50 of any of these categories.

- Jermichael Finley underwent successful spinal fusion surgery last Thursday in Pittsburgh. He says he has 'every intent of coming back,' but history tells us it won't be with the Packers. The question we have to ask ourselves is, 'How is it going to feel when a player is lying paralyzed or worse on the turf?' Football is fun, but not important.

- Here's an awesome article by Jason Lisk and Michael Shamburger about pass plays at the goal line that the Packers' play callers would do well to read.

- The Packers have not held a lead for 11 quarters.

- McCarthy has named Tolzien the starter against the Vikings

**BONUS QUOTE OF THE WEEK**

"Once you're elected to office, you become a less important person in history. That is, you may become more important in the eyes of the establishment, in that you have the power to make decisions but less important as a factor in social change because as soon as you take office, you are being battered by all of the instruments of wealth and power, which diminish whatever moral compassion you initially brought to that office."

- Howard Zinn

**WHAT WAS I DRINKING**

The bitter, viscous broth of defeat.

Week Ten in Review

Home losses are never a good thing, conference losses are never a good thing, and we're now out of first place. Realistically, this loss should come as no surprise. It's certainly not the end of the world, as we're just one game out of first place, with one more game remaining against the first place Lions. Let's also not forget that the Lions are stupid. As I stated last week, we need just one win from our backup QB if Rodgers can make it back by December. That means that Scott Tolzien or Seneca Wallace or Matt Flynn or Graham Harrell or Vinny Testaverde or whoever the fuck plays quarterback for us against the Giants, Vikings, and Lions needs to get a win. It would be huge if Rodgers could make it back for the Thanksgiving Day game against the Lions, but that's totally up in the air right now. Scott Tolzien looked equal parts encouraging and horrible yesterday. To Scott's credit, McCarthy said after the game that he was running plays that he had never even practiced before. That's a massive hurdle for a young quarterback making his first NFL appearance. The thing is, he doesn't need to know the playbook to know that you can't throw interceptions in the red zone. And he doesn't need to know the verbage to hit a wide open receiver 20 yards down the field. We gave ourselves tons of chances in this game, and failed to convert time and again. As with last week, offensive ineptitude is not totally to blame for the loss. The season is far from over, and it's too early to start hashing out the wild card race, so let's just continue to be realistic about where we are and what we need to do. We still control our own destiny. Here's what I liked and didn't like:

What I Liked:

A.J. Hawk: Dare I say it? Dare I say that A.J. Hawk is finally emerging as a star in the league? No, I daren't. It's just another very good game this year. He lead the team in tackles as usual and had two tackles for loss. He sniffed out a toss play beautifully early on AND made the tackle four yards in the backfield. He blew up a screen play that could have been big yardage for the Eagles. But the play he made that I liked the most was one that won't show up on the stat sheet. Philly was threatening on third down from about the ten yard line when Nick Foles rolled out to his right with one receiver in front of him. The receiver was covered as Foles drifted towards the line of scrimmage, maintaining the threat of a run. Hawk was in zone coverage about five yards deep, and made the snap decision to rush Foles instead of continuing to drop back. His decent speed forced a quick decision from Foles, which ended up being a ball essentially thrown away. Again, it's just one good game, but the list is growing this year.

Is this some kind of reverse grave digger?

Datone Jones: Dat One (stupid nickname if you ask me) flashed yesterday with two big sacks and three tackles. Ted Thompson has not had a ton of success drafting linemen in the early rounds, and Jones was off to a slow start this year. Conventional wisdom says that you can never have too many quality big men, and Jones would be a huge boost long-term if he lives up to the first round hype. He's quietly doing the kinds of things that you'd like to see from an athletic 285 pounder, including recovering a fumble and blocking a kick. The thing is, I'd rather see him compile some consistent tackle and sack stats. He's still just 23 years old and adjusting to the speed of the game in the NFL. The trenches at this level are straight up nasty, but I think he's got a chance.

What I Didn't Like:

Run Defense: The defense gave up over 200 yards on the ground and 5.5 yards per carry. LeSean McCoy ran all over us, averaging 6.2 yards on 25 carries. Nick fucking Foles converted several crucial third downs running the ball. Nick Foles? That fucker looked about as agile as a baby giraffe on acid. And yet there he was, galumphing along with all the dexterity of a grape stomping news anchor to the tune of 4.8 yards a clip. Granted Philly runs the ball as well as anyone in the league, and LeSean McCoy is a superstar, but we can't have this shit. Our front seven cannot get pushed around if we expect to win games with Scott Tolzien under center. A simple fact.

Nice catch for a degenerate racist.

Big Play Defense: Nothing on the football field exists in a vacuum. Every facet of every play works in concert to create the eventual outcome. Giving up 200+ yards on the ground means you'll be forced to crowd the line, which means you'll be forced to play single high safety, which means you're susceptible to the big passing play. That being said, to give up TD plays of 32, 45, and 55 yards to players like Nick Foles and Riley Cooper is inexcusable. Yea fine, Foles threw seven TDs last week. Do you think he can do that again? How about five TDs? Nobody believes in Foles, nor should they, so our allegedly improved defense should have been able to shut his ass down. They could not.

Mason Crosby: It was windy yesterday, no doubt about that. A blustery Lambeau Field is a challenging environment in which to kick, but that's exactly why we drafted Mason Crosby. He had experience kicking in inclement weather at the University of Colorado, and is supposed to be comfortable with the conditions he saw yesterday. It was a challenge and an opportunity for him, and he failed to rise to the occasion. What's going to happen when there's snow on the ground?

Extra Points:

- Scott Tolzien has been named the starter at QB for now.

- Starting in 1992, the Packers had just three QB's take a snap in regular season action over the course of 340 games. They've matched that total in two games this year.

- Aaron Rodgers over his career in the red zone has thrown 131 touchdowns and three interceptions. Scott Tolzien has thrown zero touchdowns and one interception.

- Back-ups Jarrett Boykin and Brandon Bostick combined for 16 targets, while starters Jordy Nelson and James Jones combined for 17. Backup QB's favor backup pass catchers, it's a familiarity thing, and it's probably not good.

**BONUS QUOTE OF THE WEEK**

"The corporate oligarchs have now seized all institutional systems of power in the United States. Electoral politics, internal security, the judiciary, our universities, the arts and finance, along with nearly all forms of communication, are in corporate hands. Our democracy, with faux debates between two corporate parties, is meaningless political theater. There is no way within the system to defy the demands of Wall Street, the fossil fuel industry or war profiteers. The only route left to us, as Aristotle knew, is revolt."

- Chris Hedges

**BONUS QUOTE #2 OF THE WEEK**

"That bitch was only fucking with you cuz you had a good ass job, nerd."

- Too Short

**WHAT WAS I DRINKING**

Augustiner Edelstoff, a Dortmunder/Helles lager, brewed with just three ingredients (water, barley malt, hops). This brewery was established in Munich in 1328 and is privately held to this day. It's a simple beer and a great change of pace from the commonly over-hopped, over-marketed, over-processed ales flooding the market these days. Tradition can be a dangerous thing, but when it comes to beer, I'm all for it.

Week Nine in Review

Alright, let's all just take a deep breath. It doesn't do any good to freak out or throw in the towel or mope around for a week. Let's just assess the situation for what it is, and keep our fucking composure. Here's the situation: Aaron Rodgers has a small fracture in his collar bone on his non-throwing shoulder. According to Rodgers, as of Tuesday afternoon, he and team doctors 'haven't talked at all about a timetable.' **UPDATE: Mike McCarthy said in a press conference Tuesday evening that Rodgers has a fractured clavicle and the team is taking a week to week mindset on his return.** So you can essentially disregard any reports of three weeks or season ending or questionable for next week. Certainly Rodgers could be withholding information here, but we'll no doubt receive an honest and accurate timetable from McCarthy or Rodgers within a day or two. First the good news. It's his non-throwing shoulder. Even if he's forced to miss the rest of this season, his throwing motion or ability will not be affected at all going forward. Players can return rather quickly from collar bone fractures (possibly within a month) without risking further injury. The Packers' medical staff has all kinds of drugs and needles to make Aaron's boo boo feel good for a few hours. We're currently 5-3 and tied for first place in the division. The backup quarterback has been in the league for over a decade, has 21 starts under his belt, has a decent TD to INT ratio (31/19), and has some decent mobility. Now the bad news. That veteran quarterback with the decent stats and good experience looked like complete dog shit when forced into action last night. The Bears and Lions are also 5-3 right now, and the Lions are significantly healthier than the Pack. A broken collarbone could absolutely be a season-ender, in which case Packer football might not even be fun to watch. So here's my take, if Rodgers misses four games or less, we're still very much in this thing. All we would need is one win from Wallace over that stretch, which gives us a chance to finish 10-6, a mark that generally secures a spot in the postseason. If Rodgers is forced to miss more time than that, I'd say we're pretty well fucked. It's with a heavy Packer heart that I present what I liked and didn't like:

What I Liked:

Eddie Lacy: Wow. What a performance. With everyone in the stadium knowing that he'd be getting the ball, he was still able to rack up 150 yards and a score. A 56-yarder helped him finish with an average of 6.8 yards per carry. This fucker runs HARD. I wouldn't want to tackle him, and neither did the fucking Bears. God. Fuck the Bears. Bunch of assholes.

Special Teams: The blocked punt was awesome and timely. A play like that is a huge momentum shifter, and along with the running game helped give us a chance last night. Crosby was again perfect, adding to his already impressive year. Hyde averaged 25 yards on two punt returns, while his counterpart (that douche bag Hester whose too dumb to play receiver) never had a chance to break one. Masthay downed four punts inside their 20, including one tracked down at the one yard line by Davon House. We also converted a surprise onside kick. That's a really solid day on special teams, and these guys deserve some credit.

Uhhhhh, Sam Shields?: I seem to remember him having a decent enough game. Whatever fuck the Bears.

What I Didn't Like:

Wallace for MVP! Nice guns at least.

Seneca Wallace: Step it up jerk! Show some veteran savvy! Throw a pass more than four fucking yards! Are you even aware that defenders sometimes try to knock down passes at the line?! Did you all of the sudden forget how to run? 3.87 yards per passing play? Yea, that's getting it done alright. A total QBR of 7.7? Great job! We might even hand you the keys to the franchise. You are truly an inspiration. This just in: Seneca Wallace jersey sales top the list of all major US sports! You heard it here first.

Pass Rush: You know who the Bears had starting at quarterback? Josh McCown. You know how many times we sacked him? Once. We just made Josh McCown look like Peyton Fucking Manning by giving him roughly 90 minutes to decide where to throw every play. Oh sure, Gruden and whats-his-face wanted to slob all over the Bears' receivers' knobs, but they were pretty much just there. A nice catch here, decent YAC there, fine, but this was mostly about giving a shit QB all the time he needed to look serviceable. Fuck you Josh McCown, I hate you and I'm glad your career never panned out. Canton doesn't usually enshrine goofy looking fuckers with a career passer rating of 72.7.

Play Calling: Look, I get it. You're left with a bad quarterback. Everyone's all downtrodden. You don't want him to make you look bad by embarrassing himself. But god dammit you have to throw the ball downfield at some point! I mean seriously, how easy is it for an NFL defense to stop an offense that either runs the ball or throws a four yard pass on every play? How about running a bootleg? You have heard of a bootleg, haven't you? Is misdirection featured in any of the 10,000 plays you've got on that color coded sheet? Does Wallace have his own color on that sheet? Does it contain a total of four plays? Have you ever even met this guy before? You know he runs well right?

Extra Points:

- The Bears are a bunch of little bitches and if they think they are going to win anything meaningful in the near future, then they are sadly mistaken.

- After tallying 11 sacks for 58 yards in the first three games without Clay Matthews, the Packers' defense managed just one sack for 2 yards last night.

- Offensive tackle and former first round pick Derek Sherrod was activated from the Physically Unable to Perform list today, and Jermichael Finley was placed on injured reserve, ending his season.

- The Packers' emergency quarterback (Randall Cobb) was not playing yesterday, so an injury to Wallace could have made things hilarious. Why not put B.J. back there at that point?

**OK I WAS WRONG..... BUT THEN I WAS RIGHT**

I was annoyed by all the 'concern' over the backup quarterback situation during the off-season. I found it boring and less important than plenty of other issues. I was wrong. On the other hand, I suggested two weeks ago that we sign Matt Flynn after he was cut by the Raiders. Had we done that at the time, he would have had two weeks back in the offense that he already knew very well, and would have been ready to rock both last night and in the coming weeks. He is currently a free agent after being cut yesterday by the Bills, and I still think we should sign him, but he'll most likely be rusty. I would have felt a lot more confident with a re-acclimated Matt Flynn than both a cold Matt Flynn and Seneca Wallace.

**BONUS QUOTE OF THE WEEK**

"...we could describe (concentrated global power) as an array of mega-corporations, often linked to one another by strategic alliances, administering a global economy which is in fact a kind of corporate mercantilism tending towards oligopoly in most sectors, heavily reliant on state power to socialize risk and cost, and to subdue recalcitrant elements."

- Chomsky

**WHAT WAS I DRINKING**

New Glarus Moon Man. Super clean pale ale that hits the spot every time. I was this close to giving up on New Glarus, but they pulled me back in with this total classic.