Week Seventeen in Review

NFC North Champions!! WOOOOOOO!!!! That was some SHIT right there!!! I mean holy SHIT!!!! What a season. This is as satisfying a division championship as I can remember. There's just something about clawing your way through all kinds of adversity that makes you appreciate the accomplishment that much more. Props to Matt Flynn and the coaching staff for navigating Aaron Rodgers' absence with aplomb. Huge props to Aaron Rodgers for coming back after eight weeks off, shaking off early mistakes, and engineering a magnificent 15 play, 87 yard, game-winning, come-from-behind drive that featured three fourth down conversions. Anyone got anything to say about Aaron Rodgers in the clutch now? I didn't fucking think so. Here's a joke: Matt Forte, Jay Cutler, Brandon Marshall, Julius Peppers, and Lance Briggs walk into a bar.... to watch the Packers in the playoffs. We've got the Niners in Lambeau this week, and regardless of what anyone has said or continues to say, we are a dangerous team right now, particularly at home. We're in the tournament and get at least one more week of meaningful Packer football. Life is pretty good right now. Here's what I liked and didn't like:

What I Liked:

Jordy Nelson: Quick, name three wideouts better than Jordy Nelson. Take a second. That's right, you can't. Maybe if you had four or five minutes you could come up with four that are better right now (I've got Josh Gordon, Calvin Johnson, A.J. Green, and maaaaaybe Antonio Brown), which puts Jordy Nelson at number five. He's got the ability to come down with most any pass thrown in his general vicinity, has well above average speed for a receiver, runs excellent routes, and clearly has a rapport with Aaron Rodgers, as evidenced by his 16 targets this past Sunday. He's a superstar that has averaged over 1100 yards and 10 touchdowns over the last three seasons. He's under contract for a paltry $2.55 million in 2014, and set to be a free agent in 2015. Extending his contract is obviously a priority this off-season, but he's outplayed his current deal by a country mile. He's gonna get paid, and I'm quite sure the Packers will be writing the checks.

Running Game: With star running back Eddie Lacy hobbled by a sprained right ankle, the running game had to be a team affair on Sunday, and that's exactly what it was. Lacy gamely fought through pain 21 times for 66 yards and a creative score, but Jimmy Starks really picked up the slack, going 88 yards on just 11 carries. Add in the absolutely crucial fourth down one yard carry by John Kuhn and a five yard first down pick up on that same final drive by Rodgers, and we had a darn good day on the ground. 34 carries to 39 passing attempts is some nice balance on offense, something we'll need this week against the stout Niners defense.

John Kuhn: I was all set to post an attempt at satire poking fun at John Kuhn, and then he goes out and proves what an idiot I really am. He saved our season not once, but twice on Sunday, picking up a yard on fourth and one, and then picking up an untouched Julius Peppers on fourth and eight. He's a stalwart on this offense and deserves some fucking credit. Thank you John Kuhn for being our unsung hero.

BALLS: What does it take to go for it on fourth and one in the fourth quarter deep in your own territory? Balls. What does it take to play running back in the NFL on a sprained ankle? Balls. What does it take to convert not one, but THREE fourth downs on the final drive to comeback against your biggest rival with the season on the line? Balls. And what does it take to throw a 48 yard touchdown on fourth down with Julius Peppers in your face? That's right, big old giant fucking balls. Let's see what kinda balls you got San Fran.

What I Didn't Like:

Safeties: Getting real tired of writing about you guys. Getting real tired of it. Can't you just play an average game so I can at least shit on someone else? Seriously, I like you guys, this hurts me more than it hurts you. Anyway what that hell was Morgan Burnett doing on that long pass to Alshon Jeffery? The defense was clearly two man under, with Shields playing his position perfectly and expecting help over the top. Burnett, whose job is simply to NOT GET BEAT DEEP inexplicably bites on a shallow(er) crossing route, leaving Jeffery comically open 40 yards downfield. Oh and by the way, Tramon Williams officially tackles better than all of you. If that doesn't motivate you, I don't know what will.

Kick and Punt Coverage: I know he's Devin Hester, but this is 2013 Devin Hester, a long way removed from six touchdown, shit-your-pants-scary 2006 Devin Hester. He's averaging 25 yards per kick return this year, and has just one return touchdown total. He's still good, don't get me wrong, but I shouldn't have to be terrified every time he touches the ball. I know I wasn't the only one holding my breath on that last return. Special teams have to be air tight against a team like San Fran, but we do have the benefit of playing in the not-so-friendly confines of Lambeau Field.

Pass Rush: Virtually non-existent. It's a good thing Jay Cutler sucks, because any good qb would likely have shredded us. Anybody that underestimates the importance of Clay Matthews is an idiot. He's so clearly the second most important player on our team. Andy Mulumba had our only sack (a sack he definitely earned), and Mike Daniels got close a couple of times, but that is all you can say for our pass rush. Colin Kaepernick is averaging just 1.3 TDs and under 200 yards per game. If we can get pressure on him we can shut him down. We'll have to be disciplined in how we rush so that we don't open huge running lanes for him, but we have to get pressure. We've seen what he can do with time.

Extra Points:

- For once, McCarthy had no significant injuries to report following Sunday's game.

- Jay Cutler is now 1-8 against the Packers as a Bear. Which is just terrific.

- Clay Matthews will not play against the 49ers, but may return at some point if we continue to win games.

- Randall Cobb had two targets in his return. For two touchdowns. Including the game winner. And I love him.

- Mason Crosby finished the season with a field goal percentage over 89%, having connected on all 22 attempts from inside 40 yards. Congratulations on an excellent bounce back season.

- Here it is. In all its glory.

**I WAS WRONG**

I said that in order for the Packers to make the playoffs, Aaron Rodgers needed to come back by the first week in December. It appears I underestimated the skill and determination of this franchise. I was wrong, Matt Flynn was right.

**BONUS QUOTE OF THE WEEK**

"I'm called 'the poorest president,' but I don't feel poor. Poor people are those who only work to try to keep an expensive lifestyle, and always want more and more."

- Jose Mujica, former left-wing guerrilla and current President of Uruguay, known for donating 90% of his $12,000 monthly salary to charities that benefit destitute people and small business owners, and eschewing this palace for this farmhouse and this car. He's also an atheist who recently legalized marijuana. In other words he's my kinda guy.

**WHAT WAS I DRINKING**

Corona. It was awful. (not pictured: Corona)

Week Sixteen in Review

Let's hear it for a shitty NFC North! Special thanks to Jay Cutler and Matthew Stafford. We couldn't have done it without you guys. Jim Schwartz. I just cannot say enough about Jim Schwartz. The guy has been here through it all, and nobody (I mean NOBODY) has done more for our playoff hopes than him. His commitment to the Green Bay Packers franchise has meant the world to us. Consistently unspectacular play throughout the division has set the Packers and Bears on a collision course at Soldier Field that is sure to be packed with incompletions, missed assignments, poor clock management, and all the other trappings of mediocrity. This one is gonna hinge on a timely botched snap, I can just feel it. At the end of the day we've been gifted a chance to make the playoffs, and get to watch at least one more meaningful game of Packer football this year. I'm still excited. Here's what I liked and didn't like about that shit sandwich yesterday that was trumped only by the stinkier shit sandwiches in Detroit and Philadelphia:

What I Liked:

Eddie Lacy (again): Played through pain to record two touchdowns and 84 yards on just 15 carries. He has an uncanny ability to turn a horribly blocked play going nowhere into three or four yards. Let's face it, that's a skill you need to produce as a runner behind this line. He's a 'whatever it takes' type back that clearly loves contact. He'll bring the fight to you whether you like it or not. Nobody was stopping him from scoring on his first run, a play in which the designed running lane never appeared. He had the vision to cut it back side, the speed to get the edge, and the power to blast through a tackle to score. He's got it all.

Pass Defense: I know we gave up 38 points, and I know we gave up 104 yards to Antonio Brown, and I know we only had one sack, but I'm chalking this up as a win for the pass defense. Roethlisberger gained just 5.58 yards per passing play. That is a really low number. So low that it would have been good for 30th in the league last year among starting quarterbacks. Antonio Brown was the only player to have more than 30 receiving yards yesterday, but he's AVERAGING 99.46 yards per game. He's third in the league behind only Megatron and the seemingly unstoppable Josh Gordon (side note - Imagine if Josh Gordon played for a team that had a quarterback. He's got 1564 receiving yards in 15 games, and he plays for the Browns!). So Antonio Brown is gonna get his. The 30 yard pass on the fake punt hurt, but that's on Shawn Slocum and the special teams unit, not the secondary or the pass rush. Overall a good day for the pass defense and something to build off of.

Micah Hyde: He added another big day to his already impressive rookie campaign. He was both solid and electrifying on special teams, recording 167 yards on five kick returns, including the timely 70 yarder that the offense couldn't finish. He also fielded every punt cleanly on a day when the frozen tundra lived up to it's name. That's no simple task. Six tackles and a nice pass break-up certainly earned him some more playing time on defense next week. This is one guy that I'm very excited about, and I could see him developing into a big time player. So far he's proven to be an excellent pick by Ted Thompson.

What I Didn't Like:

Matt Flynn: I know I was calling for the front office to bring him back, and I stand by that opinion. He's clearly better than Scoots Tolzien, but that doesn't mean he's good. There are things to like about him (accuracy on short routes, rapport with certain receivers, knowledge of the offense, ability to run the no-huddle), but there are also some glaring holes in his game (inability to throw the deep ball, tendency to lock onto his first option, total lack of pocket presence, etc.). Complaining about a decent back-up is a bit like complaining that the chick you met on Craigslist has a c-section scar and a dead tooth, but he's obviously nothing more than a back-up. 5.2 yards per passing play is terrible, and 7 for 20 in the second half including a fumble and a pick six is worse. I'll be happy to keep him around going forward, but I just won't feel confident if he's forced into extended action. One or two games is great, but half a season ain't gonna work.

Run Defense: For all the hype surrounding Le'Veon Bell coming into the game yesterday, he was only averaging 3.3 yards per carry. That's not terrible, but he wasn't a back worth talking about. Naturally the Packers' defense went ahead and surrendered 4.8 yards per carry to the rookie and made him look better than he is. It was pretty clear to me that the front seven was really missing Johnny Jolly, and he ain't coming back this year. Somebody is going to have to step up and be a leader in the trenches or this season will be over real soon. CALLING B.J. RAJI!

Penalties: Nine penalties for 90 yards is too many. It's not the worst I've ever seen, but the off-sides on the field goal attempt was inexcusable. Offensive holding penalties are drive killers, and we committed six of them. You can't expect a back-up quarterback to overcome unfavorable down-and-distances.

Extra Points:

- A.J. Hawk is now just five tackles away from being the Packers' all time leader in tackles. Let's give him some credit already god dammit! All he does is show up, produce, and keep his mouth shut. We could use more players like him.

- At 1112 yards, Eddie Lacy has already set the Packers' franchise record for rushing yards by a rookie, beating out John Brockington's 1105 in 1971.

- Brandon Bostick and Johnny Jolly have been placed on injured reserve.

- The Packers have sent a player in motion ONE time in 128 total passing attempts by Matt Flynn. That's weird. A player in motion helps the quarterback determine if the coverage is man or zone before the snap, which is obviously helpful information to have. I have to wonder why they're almost completely neglecting this tactic.

**BONUS QUOTE OF THE WEEK**

"The memory of oppressed people is one thing that cannot be taken away, and for such people, with such memories, revolt is always an inch below the surface."

- Howard Zinn

**WHAT WAS I DRINKING**

Four Brothers' Prodigal Son. It's a local brewery that specializes in 'blended beers,' this one happens to be an IPA blended with a cream ale. I was expecting something a bit more hoppy, but it was tasty and highly drinkable.

Week Fifteen in Review

Holy shit! Okay, I'm trying really hard to avoid the ever-present (no pun intended) quicksand of hyperbole, but I think I can honestly say that was one of the best football games I've ever seen. Down 26-3 at halftime, offense looking helpless against the league's worst defense, back-up qb under center, we put together a half of football I'm going to remember for a long time. There is so much credit to go around here that it's tough to talk about a single player's performance. Our offense scored a touchdown on every single second half possession until they were in the victory formation. The defense clamped down and made two unbelievable plays. The narrative in the media is all about the Cowboys' collapse, but the collapse never would have been were it not for some inspired football from the Pack. Huge credit to the coaching staff and the locker room leaders for keeping the team together in the face of such adversity. Oh and by the way, the Lions lost last night, so we, uh, CONTROL OUR OWN DESTINY WITH TWO GAMES TO GO! Shit just got real. Here's what I liked and didn't like:

What I Liked:

Back-up Pass Catchers: I know Nelson and Jones both had touchdowns, and Jordy made this catch, and this catch, but I gotta give props to the back ups. Jarrett Boykin and Andrew Quarless combined for 12 catches on 12 targets, 149 yards, a touchdown, six first downs, and two crucial third down conversions. That's excellent production for two guys that most fans (and I'm guessing a few coaches) never wanted to see on the field. Quarless (despite some absolutely abhorrent tattoos) seems to be developing into a legitimate receiving threat. He and Boykin both played with tremendous confidence, and it's a good sign for the future of this receiving core.

Eddie Lacy: Four catches, 21 carries, 171 total yards, and the game winning touchdown. I cannot tell you how satisfying it is to finally have a running back that can pick up the tough yards. I absolutely love this guy. He's exactly what we needed. Of course the offensive line deserves credit for opening up holes, but Lacy is flat out getting it done. He's now amassed over a thousand yards rushing and eight rushing touchdowns, and is clearly the front-runner for rookie of the year.

He really shouldn't be draggin his mink on the floor like that.

Tramon Williams: This guy has been under fire lately from seemingly every angle (including this blog), and shut the critics right the fuck up. He started the game by doing something I'm not sure he's ever done, actually embracing his responsibility to tackle. I know he's been dealing with a bum shoulder for a few years now, but I had really had it up to here with his unwillingness to take on ball carriers. He bucked that trend on Sunday and showed some toughness. Papa Charles would be proud. Then he snatches an improbable pick and returns it inside the ten yard line, only to have it snatched right back from him. So what does he do? Does he pout and lick his wounds and prepare his locker room complaints to the media? Fuck no. He goes out and makes this play to seal the most improbable victory I've seen in a long time. Papa Charles would be really proud. Congratulations on a huge game Tramon, now keep it up. Plus Sara informs me he's 'super cute,' which of course I had never noticed before.

The Whole Fucking Organization in the Second Half: I mean seriously, I could have picked damn near anyone to write about in 'What I Liked.' We made all the right play calls on offense and defense, we didn't panic or give up (I'm looking at you Dez Bryant), we made amazing catches, we blocked our asses off, we got after the QB, we were solid on special teams, the list goes on. McCarthy talks all the time about the character of his football team, and it was on full display last night. This is what football is all about.

What I Didn't Like:

Safeties: Man this position group has been a day late and a dollar short all year. If I had a nickel for every time Burnett or Jennings or Banjo or whoever was pushing someone out of bounds 30 yards downfield... They don't even tackle well! Burnett has taken a step back this year, and his rotating counterparts are just terrible. The corner play has at least been up and down, but the safeties started down and have stayed there. None of them has a pick this year. Not one pick by a safety. If that's not telling I don't know what is.

Run Defense: Demarco Murray is a good back, but fucking superman shouldn't average 7.4 yards per carry. It seemed like every time he touched the ball he was gashing us for a big gainer. That Murray is a real gash. But for real, have some pride defense. You can't let guys walk all over you like that. You have to wonder what would have happened if Jason Garrett actually let Murray touch the ball in the second half.

First Half: As beautiful as the second half was, that's how ugly the first half was. Overcoming that kind of deficit was amazing and tons of fun to watch, but we WILL NOT be able to do that again. The Steelers are too smart and too well coached and too proud to let that kind of thing happen. We're all riding high right now (as we should be), but one more half like that and it's season over. So quit fuckin around guys and just be awesome all the time. You know?

Extra Points:

- Rookie J.C. Tretter was activated from the PUP list this week and will likely suit up as an emergency O-Line backup.

- Backup MLB Jamari Lattimore apparently made an impactful speech in the locker room at halftime. That Micah Hyde missed because he had to take a dump.

- Sam Shields is as enigmatic as a player gets. He shows these occasional flashes of brilliance that make you think he might just be a hall of famer, which of course he is not.

- Aaron Rodgers and Randall Cobb have still not been medically cleared to play, pending examinations later on this week.

**BONUS LIST OF DOG NAMES I HATE**

1. Bentley

2. Bella

3. Remington

**BONUS LEGISLATION WE CAN ALL GET BEHIND**

The NFL (that's right, the $9 billion dollar corporate conglomerate) DOESN'T PAY CORPORATE TAXES. What the fuck? How is this possible? How did I not know about this? What an insulting example of money driving legislation. Tax these billionaire owners just like everyone else gets taxed, and build a fucking school you cock suckers.

**BONUS QUOTE OF THE WEEK**

"Everyone's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's really an easy way: stop participating in it."

- Chomsky

**WHAT WAS I DRINKING**

Sierra Nevada Pale Ale. It tasted funny. I think there might have been some soap in my glass. I was not fazed.