Week Two in Review

This guy is like actually, for realsies starting at qb for the Bears

Well we are just two games into the season, but I’ll be damned if this isn’t the best start we could have hoped for. The Cowboys have lost Dez and Romo for a long time, Matthew Stafford continues to get worse every year, the Eagles are a mess, the Seahawks are 0-2, we’ve already won a divisional game, and the handsome gentleman to the right is starting at quarterback for the Bears. The fucking Vikings are our biggest competition right now, and they are awful. The defense most definitely rose to the challenge of a top tier running back, and Jimmy Graham (one of the most dangerous tight ends of all time as recently as last year) had one catch for 11 yards. The front seven was playing with some fire in their bellies, but responding to adversity has always been easy in the NFL. It’s responding to success that’s truly difficult for these guys, so let’s see how they respond to an uncharacteristically fast start. We’re the best team in the league right now, but again, it’s only week two. This was a quality win against a quality opponent, but there’s not a team on the planet that we aren’t SUPPOSED to beat at Lambeau. We did what we needed to do, now let’s go beat the shit out of Kansas City for ruining our 16-0 season. Here’s what I liked and didn’t like:

What I Liked:

He's like a fat male Dee Reynolds

Special Teams: This was a much needed bounce-back game for our special teams units after last week’s penalty-laden cluster fuck. The penalties were cleaned up (I think completely), Masthay averaged over 46 yards per punt, both kick coverage units clamped down, and Crosby made some big kicks. Long field goal attempts are always huge plays in the game no matter what the outcome. Make it and you come away with points, miss it and you give your opponent great field position. Crosby’s 54 yarder in the first quarter was critical in my opinion, since we made it a two score game and didn’t squander excellent starting field position. If he misses that kick, the Seahawks take over at their own 40 yard line, instead we got three points and they started from their own 13 yard line on the ensuing kickoff. Mason’s two kicks in the second half from 44 and 21 yards were pretty clutch, and overall his 14 total points were the difference in the game. We didn’t get much of anything from the return game, but sure handed fair catches aren’t the worst thing in the world. Good job Ron Zook, now calm the fuck down on the sidelines you freak.

Jayrone Elliott: I gotta throw the young buck some love after the play of his life. He’s definitely a fringe player on this roster, and he only had one tackle, but his pick was the play of the game. It’s not all that often that you see a big man make a one-handed grab, and he even forced the fumble to ice the game on Seattle’s final drive. I’m sure Dom Capers would like to see him sprinkle in a few more tackles and maybe even a sack or two this year, but for this week he can say he belongs. Congratulations Jayrone!

Aaron Rodgers: He’s the best. He’s like Tom Brady but athletic. He’s like Russel Wilson but accurate. He’s like Charles Woodson but a quarterback. He’s like Tony Romo but good. He’s better than pizza. He should probably wear a cape. He throws a better deep ball than Brett Favre ever did. Was that a fourth quarter comeback? Oh I think it was. So maybe shut the fuck up all you, ‘Rodgers can’t engineer a comeback’ haters. You’re wrong, Aaron’s right, and I’m pretty sure we’d be great friends if someone would just get me his phone number.

What I Didn’t Like:

Yea right Dom

Read-Option Defense: You know, the play where they somehow always succeeded in isolating a single defender on the edge and forcing him to choose between the ball carrier and the trailing pitch option? You know, the play that kept fucking working so they ran it like a million times? I thought McCarthy said they had been working on defending that specific play. Why were they seemingly caught off guard time and again by a play call that my mother could have predicted? This is not Miami (OH) at Air Force, or Arrowhead at Rufus King for that matter, this is the NFL. There is no reason that the read-option should be consistently successful against any team in this league. Clean it up Capers, you and that rug are on thin ice!

Pass Rush: Okay it wasn’t horrible, we did have two sacks, but I wasn’t thrilled with it. It seems like we can’t get any pressure with our front four no matter who is on the field for us. Mike Daniels and Julius Peppers are seemingly the only two players capable of disrupting the pocket in a meaningful way. It’s great when a blitz gets home and puts the QB on his back, but it’s very much not great when a blitz doesn’t get home. That’s when big plays happen and games are lost. I’m hopeful that Letroy Guion can provide some kind of a spark in the front seven when he comes back. Plus Ron Zook is gonna blow a gasket if he doesn’t find a weed hook in Green Bay sometime soon. I’m thinking Letroy is his man.

** Bonus Quote of the Week **

“Men of courage, not satisfied with words, but ever searching for the means to transform them into action, men of integrity for whom the act is one with the idea, for whom prison, exile, and death are preferable to a life contrary to their principles, intrepid souls who know that it is necessary to dare in order to succeed, these are the lonely sentinels who enter the battle long before the masses are sufficiently roused to raise openly the banner of insurrection and to march, arms in hand, to the conquest of their rights.”

- Peter Kropotkin

** What Was I Drinking **

Paulaner Lager, Fernet, Malort, Rumpleminze, Russian River Consecration, Surly Furious, New Glarus Staghorn, and I’m pretty sure a couple cans of PBR.

** Extra Points **

• The injury to Eddie Lacy is not serious, he could return as early as Monday night this week.
• Jeff Janis has not played a single offensive snap this year. Not after losing our number one receiver, not after our number two receiver sprained his shoulder, not even after our number three receiver had to leave the game with a pulled muscle. What is this guy doing in practice that causes our coaching staff to so distrust him? We saw that he has the talent to compete in the preseason. I’m starting to think he must be either an idiot or an asshole.
• The Packers have placed Josh Boyd on injured reserve and promoted ILB Joe Thomas to the active roster from the practice squad.
• Myles White has been signed to the New York Giants practice squad.
• This is in poor taste...