2013 Season in Review

Had plenty of chances to beat the Niners, and we weren't able to take advantage. It was our game to win and we fell short. I'm not gonna review the game because it will just piss me off, so without further ado, I present to you the First Annual Abeerspackerblog Year End Awards©!!! Strap in assfucks.

He's a quality, classy running back. I wanna kiss you.

Offensive Rookie of the Year: Any questions? Eddie Lacy was everything we hoped he could be and more. The stats are all there: 1178 rushing yards, 4.1 yards per carry, 11 rushing touchdowns, 1435 yards from scrimmage, one fumble all year, etc. On paper he's likely the NFL rookie of the year, but what I liked most about Eddie was the attitude he brought to the table. His willingness to dish out punishment is admirable to say the least. There does not exist a defensive back that wants to tackle him. He fights his ass off on every play, something we just haven't seen from the half back position in Green Bay since Ahman Green. He's nasty, he's exciting, he's productive, and he's coming back next year stronger and smarter. He has completely won me over.

Runner-Up: David Bakhtiari. Sixteen starts at left tackle as a rookie is impressive. He held up against the best pass rushers on the planet, and was part of an offensive line that helped create 2136 rushing yards.

Defensive Rookie of the Year: Although his stats don't exactly jump off the page (aside from his 55 total tackles), Micah Hyde played some solid football. Playing corner is a thankless job, and it's especially difficult for a rookie. Hyde's physical limitations force him to play even more fundamentally sound than a corner who can make up for some mistakes with speed (Sam Shields). He was solid if unspectacular in coverage, but he made his mark near the line of scrimmage. I've said it before, but I'm gonna say it again, he tackles like Charles Woodson. There is no faster way to ingratiate yourself to a coaching staff than to tackle effectively, and Hyde didn't shy away from one single tackle this year. He also showed some big play ability on special teams, including averaging over 12 yards per punt return, a 93 yard touchdown, and a timely 70 yard kick return against the Steelers in week 16. It was a little disappointing that he wasn't able to snag a pick (though he did get a sack and force a fumble), hopefully he'll continue to develop in terms of coverage ability. Everything that I've seen and heard about him says that he's got the intelligence and work ethic to do just that.

Most Disappointing Rookie: Datone Jones was boooooooring. He made a few plays (blocked a kick, had 3.5 sacks, recovered a fumble), but he never made his presence felt on the field. I'm not the type to get all worked up over an underwhelming rookie season, but I just wanted him to be a difference maker so bad. Ten total tackles is not getting it done. I mean I had to double check to see what number he wears for Christ's sake. Ryan Pickett and B.J. Raji are both free agents, and I'm not convinced we'll bring either one back. That means that our perennially disappointing defensive line is likely going to get even worse. We NEED guys like Datone Jones to take big steps forward otherwise our defense might be in trouble yet again.

Unsung Hero of the Year: I'm slowly starting to understand just how important John Kuhn is. This six foot, 250 pound bowling ball is nobody's fool, and we've kept him around for six plus seasons for a reason. According to teammates, he's the only player that knows the offense better than Aaron Rodgers. Of course there's the block on the Cobb touchdown on fourth down in Chicago, and the fourth down run on the same drive, but those are just plays that morons like me need to finally take note of how good he really is. Just think of the confidence it gives your teammates and your coaching staff when they know that you're going to execute your assignment properly on every play. I would guess that Aaron Rodgers and Mike McCarthy would count Kuhn among the best players on the team, and we'd all do well as fans to understand that.

I mean, come on dog.

Offensive MVP: It's no secret that I'm a big Jordy Nelson fan. He's big, fast, strong, talented, quiet, and he catches everything. Even though his touchdown numbers weren't huge (eight is still a good number), he tallied 1.314 yards on 85 catches. He was clearly our go to guy with Cobb on the sidelines. Consider this, at 67%, Nelson's catch per targets percentage was the highest in the league among wide receivers. Higher than possession receivers like Anquan Boldin and Brandon Marshall, higher than top tier tight ends like Jimmy Graham, Antonio Gates, and Vernon Davis, even higher than Calvin Johnson (who of course cannot be categorized). More impressive still is that his 15.5 yards per catch was good for 15th among wide receivers. So on average, Jordy got us 15.5 yards two out of every three times the ball was thrown his way. Let's not forget that half a season of those passes came from the ponderous hands of future Hall of Famers Seneca Wallace, Scott Tolzien, and the somewhat less panic inspiring Matt Flynn. It really was an amazing season, and the dude doesn't say shit. He doesn't say a god damn word about how good he is. He doesn't bitch about wanting more targets (Desean Jackson), he doesn't scream at teammates or coaches on the sideline (Dez Bryant), he doesn't throw his quarterback under the bus (Pierre Garcon), and he doesn't even complain about being outrageously underpaid (every receiver ever that's been even slightly underpaid). He's a true professional and we're lucky to have him.

Runner-Up: Eddie Lacy (see above knob-slobbing)

Defensive MVP: Clay Matthews. I'm gonna do that thing where I say he's the MVP even though he missed a bunch of games and didn't put up huge numbers because his absence had such an impact that it further proved his value. I'm gonna do that and you're just gonna have to deal with it because I write this fucking blog, not you. He still had 7.5 sacks and forced three fumbles, but we just COULD NOT pressure the quarterback with the Claymaker on the sidelines. Our training staff has to come up with a strategy to manage his health more effectively. I understand that every game is important and you can't sideline a healthy Clay Matthews, but doesn't the thought of sitting him for the first four games sound kind of appealing? It does to me, and I write this fucking blog, so fuck you. It's almost unfortunate how well he plays the run because it makes it even harder to take him off the field on first and second down. Here's my plan: Clay doesn't get to play on first or second down until week 5. After that, he doesn't get to play on first down until week 9. After that, he only plays on first down when we're down in the fourth quarter until week 12. Then you turn him loose and watch him fuck the league in the ass. He's just too crazy to be trusted to manage his own health and well-being. You can thank me with a Superbowl ring Mark Murphy.

Runner-Up: A.J. Hawk. Man I am on a roll right now. That's right haters, A.J. Hawk is awesome and if you disagree you're wrong. He's the all time leader in tackles for the Packers. Does that happen on accident? I think not.

Comeback Player of the Year: Johnny Jolly. I love this guy, and so does everyone else. I won't pour over the details of his story again, but I'll just say that to go from codein-addicted, multiple-felon inmate, three years removed from football, to locker room leader and on-field producer in one off-season is AMAZING. You're the man Johnny, and I am genuinely proud of you. Welcome back.

Worst Off-season Move: Letting Charles Woodson walk. You know how much Oakland paid Charles Woodson to play this year? One millions dollars. One. And what did he do? Oh, you know, just a bunch of Charles Woodson-ey stuff. 97 tackles, forced three fumbles, recovered two of those, had two sacks, had a pick, scored a touchdown, etc. Do you think that perhaps a player like that would have been helpful at safety this year? For one million dollars? I was astonished when we let him go last year. He's a once-in-a-generation talent on defense. I'm not gonna get into all the reasons Charles Woodson is my favorite football player of all time, but I'll just say that TT fucked up on this one.

Best Off-season Move: Re-signing Aaron and Clay. I mean we all knew it was going to happen, and Aaron Rodgers got himself PAID, but I thought the Clay deal was a bargain. $66 million over five years is a staggering amount of money, but not within the context of NFL outside linebackers who can consistently get to the quarterback. Rodgers' contract isn't exactly 'team friendly,' but he could have put the screws to us worse, and he didn't. TT did well to keep him happy and not get absolutely taken to the cleaners in the process. It's NFL GM 101 material but he got it done.

Play of the Year: I'm a defensive guy. I'd guess that something like seven out of my ten favorite plays are on defense. Al Harris' pick six against Seattle in the playoffs, Nick Collins' Superbowl pick, Charles Woodson's goal line tackle against the Ravens, Tramon Williams' pick six against Atlanta just before half time, these are just a few that come to mind. The contrarian in me wants to pick a defensive play, but I just have to go with the fourth and 8 touchown to Cobb. The execution was a thing of beauty. Rodgers had seven blitzers in his face, somehow managed to escape the pocket, rolled out to his left, found the open man, and delivered an accurate throw against his body 40 yards downfield. Cobb saw the coverage, adjusted his route, threw his hand up four yards before he was open, made the high pressure (albeit routine) catch, and found the end zone. But the real star of the play, as we all know, was none other than John Kuhn. Kuhn diagnosed the blitz pre-snap, attempted to alert Rodgers and make an adjustment, but couldn't get Rodgers' attention. After the snap, he moved up in the pocket to protect, immediately saw Julius Fucking Peppers coming unblocked off the edge, slid all the way across the formation, and executed a beautiful cut block to enable Rodgers' escape. Without Kuhn in the backfield, Rodgers never gets a pass off. What really sends this play over the top for me though, is the magnitude of the situation. We're playing in Chicago for the division title, and the game is on the line. This isn't fourth and 2 mind you, we HAVE to get 8 yards. Well we got it, and sent Cutler and Co. packing in a most satisfying fashion.

Thanks to everyone who read my blog at all this year. I have a lot of fun writing this stuff, so I hope you got some entertainment out of it. I love football and I love the Packers, and I hope that comes through in my writing. I'd keep writing even if nobody read, but your feedback makes it a lot more fun. I'll crank out a post or two during the off-season when the mood strikes. In the mean time if you guys ever think of something you'd like me to write about, please let me know! Writing is the easy part, it's coming up with topics that everyone will find interesting that can be tough. Anyway thanks again, and there's always next year.

And now for a lil bonus material:

**BEERS I'LL BE DRINKING THIS OFFSEASON**

Jolly Pumpkin Brewery - Oro de Calabaza: A strong golden ale brewed with wild yeast that gives it a unique sour funk.

Bell's Brewery - Hopslam: What it sounds like.

Russian River Brewing Company - Pliny the Elder: Never had it, heard outrageous things.

**STUFF PEOPLE SMARTER THAN ME HAVE SAID THAT I LIKE**

"When I said the position of Muslim women had to change-to change now-people were always telling me to wait, or calling me right wing. Was that what they told the mine workers in the nineteenth century when they fought for workers' rights?"

- Ayaan Hirsi Ali, a remarkable woman from Mogadishu, Somalia who overcame some ridiculous abuse and hardship to be elected to Dutch Parliament and change the world in some amazing ways.

"It is important to realize that a healthy, scientific skepticism is compatible with a fundamental openness of mind."

- Sam Harris, a philosopher, neuroscientist, outspoken atheist, and founder of Project Reason. Smart as fuck.

"It is natural to hope that our descendants will look upon us with gratitude. But we should also hope that they look upon us with pity and disgust, just as we view the slaveholders of our all-too-recent past. Rather than congratulate ourselves for the state of our civilization, we should consider how, in the fullness of time, we will seem hopelessly backward, and work to lay the foundation for such refinements in the present."

- Sam Harris

"I'll hang my boots to rest when I'm impressed, so I triple knot 'em and forgot 'em"

- Aesop Rock, rapper

**A PLEA**

The Trans Pacific Partnership. Look it up, read about it, be aware, get angry. The powers that be do not want you to know about this.