Week Four in Review

That right there is how you start fast. Four wins, including two against 2014 playoff teams, two on the road, and one within the division. I have to admit that Sunday’s game was a boring one, but I’ll take a boring win every single time. The defense turned in an all-around impressive performance, albeit against an offense that would struggle to put up points against the Minnesota Lynx. That being said there are exactly ZERO teams in the NFC that have given up fewer points than Green Bay. The offense was efficient in their tedium on Sunday, averaging 4.9 yards per carry and committing zero turnovers. Imagine going into a game against the Packers. You just KNOW that Rodgers isn’t going to throw any stupid passes and give away possessions. So we have a quarterback that refuses to commit turnovers, a defense that’s tough against the run and gets to the quarterback, and a point differential that’s borderline unsustainable. Basically right now we’re really good. We’ve now exorcised two thirds of our NFC West demons, and if I were a Cardinal, I’d be worried. Here’s what I liked and didn’t like:

What I Liked:

"Don't worry Kaep, I'll be gentle."

Defensive Front Seven: This unit produced six sacks, seven qb hits, 21 tackles, and two decent sack celebrations. It was great to see perennial disappointment Nick Perry record two sacks, and Julius Peppers continues to command attention. Joe Thomas is a fun little guy to watch out there, coming in on passing downs and recklessly throwing his body around as if it’s his only chance to keep his roster spot (it is). My boy Jayrone had another sack in limited action (I wish I was clever enough to come up with a nickname for him). Beyond putting the quarterback on his ass on passing downs, they held lil Kaepy to just 57 yards rushing. Sure he averaged 5.7 per carry, but he never rushed for more than 12 yards on a single carry. Anyone who has watched the Packers face rushing quarterbacks over the past few years knows what an accomplishment that is for Dom Capers and his defense. Great job setting the edge, linebackers, you’ll have to do it again in Carolina a few weeks from now.

Eddie Lacy: The big man is starting to get his stride going and it is fucking fun to watch. I absolutely love his running style, he just doesn’t care if you want to tackle him. I do get a little nervous when he’s fighting like a motherfucker for another yard or two, since that’s when defenses really go after the strip, but it hasn’t been a problem to this point. As the weather starts to turn cold, he is really going to show his value. Can you imagine trying to tackle this monster in zero degree weather? I don’t care who you are, it would hurt like a bitch. I’m not worried about his relative lack of statistical production after four games, he’s definitely the type of back that gets stronger and more productive as the season goes on.

Ty Montgomery: He’s the anti-Janis. He’s a young receiver that the coaching staff and quarterback clearly trust. They lined him up in the backfield on multiple occasions, had him running several different routes, handed off twice to him, and targeted him six times in the passing game. Now I know he had the one drop on the deep ball, and that’s not real good, but he did have a step on the defender, and Rodgers did trust him enough to throw the pass. I’m getting really excited about this guy and what he could develop into. With Cobb, Jordy, and Fish Hooks coaching him up as he goes, he may just be the next big thing for this receiving unit.

Aaron Rodgers: Just cuz he’s like, a super cool dude.

What I Didn’t Like:

Special Teams: Missed field goal? Okay, that happens. Two more penalties? That shit is not cool. I never really pay attention, but do other teams have this much trouble with discipline on special teams? Masthay could only muster a paltry 39 yard average on six punts, pinning just one inside the 20 yard line. It’s our weakest unit by a country mile, and I just don’t understand why we can’t get it under control. McCarthy was supposed to be more involved in this after giving up play calling duties, but what does that really mean? Does it mean that he just stands next to Zook when we’re punting? Ok, great job. Can’t he at least embarrass him publicly when we get flagged for a gunner lining up in the neutral zone (or whatever the fuck it was this time)? Special teams coaches are supposed to be miserable, that’s how this thing works. It’s called paying your dues, and that fucker Zook owes. This is the kind of thing that fucks you in the playoffs, I’m just sayin.

Third Down Efficiency: It was largely a function of pressure on Rodgers, but we converted just five of fifteen third down opportunities. It’s no coincidence that we also had our lowest offensive output of the season. We seem to be moving away from the running game on third and short, and I’m a little concerned that the trend will continue. I understand the whole, ‘they think we’re gonna run so we’re gonna pass’ thing, but you have to prove that you’re willing to run first. Stop out-thinking yourself on third and short Clements, just give the ball to that fat fucking running back of yours and let him run someone over.

**Bonus Quote of the Week**

“The Lions are a fucking joke.”

-          Tim Abair

Week Three in Review

How’s that for responding to success? I would liken it to my own admirable response to successful domination of the blogosphere. Take if from the Green Bay Packers and me, it’s tough to remain this consistent, this hungry, this humble in the face of all the accolades. The ten point final score differential doesn’t come close to painting an accurate picture of this ass-whoopin. Kansas City completed just two passes and did not convert a third down in the first half. Jamaal Charles had no success whatsoever outside of the red zone. Travis Kelce didn’t show his face until the game was out of hand. I genuinely felt bad for the Kansas City defenders trying to stop this juggernaut offense. We are an extremely well coached team with a deep, talented roster. If you don’t think Mike McCarthy is a good coach, and Ted Thompson is a great GM, then I have no time for you. That being said, we’re still in the first quarter of the regular season, so let’s temper the excitement a bit. There is no shortage of tough opponents ahead, and it starts this Sunday with the 49ers in San Francisco. McCarthy should have no trouble motivating the team for this matchup, all he needs to do is point out how much Colin “I’m Obviously a Muppet/Date Rapist” Kaepernick sucks against everyone except us. He is a shit QB and yet he consistently tears us apart. We’ve suffered some key losses to the 49ers recently, including in the postseason, so there is undoubtedly some pride on the line. I’m expecting a tough matchup, but looking forward to a Packers win to close out a perfect start to the year. Here’s what I liked and didn’t like from Monday night:

What I Liked:

Defensive Line: They looked like a pack of rabid animals out there. I mean god damn is Mike Daniels strong. He just tosses linemen out of the way like so many shipping containers at a Tianjian chemical warehouse explosion. I’m telling you guys there are like six people in the world that can consistently generate pressure up the middle, and Mike Daniels is one of ‘em. Did you hear Tirico talking about how he’s just a few credits away from a medical degree? And he can stuff the run? The guy is a rare find indeed. Daniels’ running mate BJ Raji is playing some absolutely inspired football. He’s finally showing passion and hunger to go along with his first-round talent, and I am loving every minute of it. He’s trending towards his first Pro Bowl berth since the magical 2010 run. Clearly Jayrone Elliot is among my millions of loyal readers, as he did indeed sprinkle in a few more tackles and even a sack yesterday. You gotta wonder if there might be something to this dude, I’m sure he’ll see his opportunities continue to increase. I guess that Pennel guy is alright too but shit, there’s only so many things I can pay attention to, alright?

Hitting: How ‘bout them hits we were putting on ‘em yesterday?! Clay Matthews obviously gets some sort of sexual thrill out of smashing people, and god bless him for it. His ferocity is genuinely unsettling and it was fun to see him coming off the edge a few times yesterday. The safeties had a couple of big pops, I believe it was Clinton-Dix that was flagged for what looked like a clean hit, but that’s the NFL these days. Damarious Randall did this (which reminded me of my favorite hit of all time). Nate Palmer deserves to be singled out for his tackling efforts, Joe Thomas (freshly promoted from the practice squad to replace Sam Barrington) laid down a couple of tasty licks, even Sammy Shields had himself a hit. I absolutely love the aggressive, angry style of football our defense is playing right now. If we can develop the kind of defense that opponents do not want to face…

Starting Wide Receiver Tandem: This duo of possession receivers executes their assignments flawlessly. Their route running is precise, their ability to gain yards after the catch is second to none, and their rapport with the quarterback is everything you want it to be. I am genuinely shocked at their ability to produce even after losing Jordy. Just when defensive coordinators thought they could safely double a receiver in this offense, James Jones shits all over them with four touchdowns in three games. Ted Thompson’s ability to draft and develop quality wide receivers is truly remarkable. It makes you wonder what Adams and Montgomery might have in store. Perhaps even bigger shits than what Jones and Cobb have already lain? I dare not speculate on such quixotic notions.

"Did you see that guy try and tackle me?"

Aaron Rodgers: How do you do it Aaron? How do you continue to knock my socks off each and every week? I mean how many different ways can you carve up a defense? Who do you think you are? Escaping the pocket in your own end zone, throwing five touchdowns on 9.5 yards per attempt, refusing to throw a pick at home for nearly three years, literally joking around during your pre-snap checks, it’s ridiculous. And those hard counts?! I’m tellin you. You just keep on keepin on you old Orange Bozo you. I ain’t mad at ya.

What I Didn’t Like:

I miss this guy.

Deep Threat: We have no deep threat right now. Seriously, think about that. Think about what a

huge part of our offense the deep pass has been during Aaron Rodgers’ reign. We attempted one deep pass during the game that did not occur on a free play, and the route sucked (see Jeff Janis below). It’s great that we’re having all of this success in the passing game, and it’s great that we’ve been able to adjust our scheme in the absence of Jordy Nelson, but it’s a must that we stretch the field on occasion. If we continue to rely solely on short and intermediate passes, defenses are eventually going to tighten down. Smart defensive coordinators will bring a safety into the box, press the wide receivers, shrink the passing lanes, and make life difficult for a team without a legitimate deep threat. The receivers have been great, but it just doesn’t look like Cobb and Jones are going to scare opposing defenses into keeping two safeties over the top. Let’s hope Davante can come back from this high ankle sprain and develop into that out-and-up/slant-and-go receiver that we need.

Jeff Janis: He’s the early favorite for ‘Player Most Likely to have his Balls Ripped Off by a Coach or Quarterback.’ Yeah he had two nice plays on special teams, but what the fuck was he doing on offense? I mean I understand why he was on the field, we’re thin at wide receiver, but what the fuck was he doing? On his early go route, he ran out of bounds. It’s probably fairly difficult to complete a pass to a wide receiver that has opted to run out of bounds. On the one catch he did make, he failed to get set before the snap, leading to a five yard penalty. Rodgers, sporting a look of unadulterated disgust, could be seen asking, ‘He wasn’t fucking set?!’ The guy lacks focus, and will quickly find himself unemployed if he doesn’t start doing the small things that every player is expected to do. Is he really more valuable than Myles White?

** Bonus Quote of the Week **

“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”

-          Ralph Waldo Emerson

** What was I Drinking **

Almond milk with cinnamon, ginger, turmeric, and honey. It was a long weekend.

Week Two in Review

This guy is like actually, for realsies starting at qb for the Bears

Well we are just two games into the season, but I’ll be damned if this isn’t the best start we could have hoped for. The Cowboys have lost Dez and Romo for a long time, Matthew Stafford continues to get worse every year, the Eagles are a mess, the Seahawks are 0-2, we’ve already won a divisional game, and the handsome gentleman to the right is starting at quarterback for the Bears. The fucking Vikings are our biggest competition right now, and they are awful. The defense most definitely rose to the challenge of a top tier running back, and Jimmy Graham (one of the most dangerous tight ends of all time as recently as last year) had one catch for 11 yards. The front seven was playing with some fire in their bellies, but responding to adversity has always been easy in the NFL. It’s responding to success that’s truly difficult for these guys, so let’s see how they respond to an uncharacteristically fast start. We’re the best team in the league right now, but again, it’s only week two. This was a quality win against a quality opponent, but there’s not a team on the planet that we aren’t SUPPOSED to beat at Lambeau. We did what we needed to do, now let’s go beat the shit out of Kansas City for ruining our 16-0 season. Here’s what I liked and didn’t like:

What I Liked:

He's like a fat male Dee Reynolds

Special Teams: This was a much needed bounce-back game for our special teams units after last week’s penalty-laden cluster fuck. The penalties were cleaned up (I think completely), Masthay averaged over 46 yards per punt, both kick coverage units clamped down, and Crosby made some big kicks. Long field goal attempts are always huge plays in the game no matter what the outcome. Make it and you come away with points, miss it and you give your opponent great field position. Crosby’s 54 yarder in the first quarter was critical in my opinion, since we made it a two score game and didn’t squander excellent starting field position. If he misses that kick, the Seahawks take over at their own 40 yard line, instead we got three points and they started from their own 13 yard line on the ensuing kickoff. Mason’s two kicks in the second half from 44 and 21 yards were pretty clutch, and overall his 14 total points were the difference in the game. We didn’t get much of anything from the return game, but sure handed fair catches aren’t the worst thing in the world. Good job Ron Zook, now calm the fuck down on the sidelines you freak.

Jayrone Elliott: I gotta throw the young buck some love after the play of his life. He’s definitely a fringe player on this roster, and he only had one tackle, but his pick was the play of the game. It’s not all that often that you see a big man make a one-handed grab, and he even forced the fumble to ice the game on Seattle’s final drive. I’m sure Dom Capers would like to see him sprinkle in a few more tackles and maybe even a sack or two this year, but for this week he can say he belongs. Congratulations Jayrone!

Aaron Rodgers: He’s the best. He’s like Tom Brady but athletic. He’s like Russel Wilson but accurate. He’s like Charles Woodson but a quarterback. He’s like Tony Romo but good. He’s better than pizza. He should probably wear a cape. He throws a better deep ball than Brett Favre ever did. Was that a fourth quarter comeback? Oh I think it was. So maybe shut the fuck up all you, ‘Rodgers can’t engineer a comeback’ haters. You’re wrong, Aaron’s right, and I’m pretty sure we’d be great friends if someone would just get me his phone number.

What I Didn’t Like:

Yea right Dom

Read-Option Defense: You know, the play where they somehow always succeeded in isolating a single defender on the edge and forcing him to choose between the ball carrier and the trailing pitch option? You know, the play that kept fucking working so they ran it like a million times? I thought McCarthy said they had been working on defending that specific play. Why were they seemingly caught off guard time and again by a play call that my mother could have predicted? This is not Miami (OH) at Air Force, or Arrowhead at Rufus King for that matter, this is the NFL. There is no reason that the read-option should be consistently successful against any team in this league. Clean it up Capers, you and that rug are on thin ice!

Pass Rush: Okay it wasn’t horrible, we did have two sacks, but I wasn’t thrilled with it. It seems like we can’t get any pressure with our front four no matter who is on the field for us. Mike Daniels and Julius Peppers are seemingly the only two players capable of disrupting the pocket in a meaningful way. It’s great when a blitz gets home and puts the QB on his back, but it’s very much not great when a blitz doesn’t get home. That’s when big plays happen and games are lost. I’m hopeful that Letroy Guion can provide some kind of a spark in the front seven when he comes back. Plus Ron Zook is gonna blow a gasket if he doesn’t find a weed hook in Green Bay sometime soon. I’m thinking Letroy is his man.

** Bonus Quote of the Week **

“Men of courage, not satisfied with words, but ever searching for the means to transform them into action, men of integrity for whom the act is one with the idea, for whom prison, exile, and death are preferable to a life contrary to their principles, intrepid souls who know that it is necessary to dare in order to succeed, these are the lonely sentinels who enter the battle long before the masses are sufficiently roused to raise openly the banner of insurrection and to march, arms in hand, to the conquest of their rights.”

- Peter Kropotkin

** What Was I Drinking **

Paulaner Lager, Fernet, Malort, Rumpleminze, Russian River Consecration, Surly Furious, New Glarus Staghorn, and I’m pretty sure a couple cans of PBR.

** Extra Points **

• The injury to Eddie Lacy is not serious, he could return as early as Monday night this week.
• Jeff Janis has not played a single offensive snap this year. Not after losing our number one receiver, not after our number two receiver sprained his shoulder, not even after our number three receiver had to leave the game with a pulled muscle. What is this guy doing in practice that causes our coaching staff to so distrust him? We saw that he has the talent to compete in the preseason. I’m starting to think he must be either an idiot or an asshole.
• The Packers have placed Josh Boyd on injured reserve and promoted ILB Joe Thomas to the active roster from the practice squad.
• Myles White has been signed to the New York Giants practice squad.
• This is in poor taste...

Week One in Review

Life is better during football season. Sundays are no longer the days that should be great cuz we don’t have to do shit but actually suck because we have to go back to work in like, 16 hours. Sara actually accepts that I’m not doing anything on football Sundays. I won that battle years ago. What am I gonna do, dust some fucking shelves after nine beers? Please. Anyway Packers rule and the Bears still suck, obviously. Part of me was worried that all the talk about Cutler not beating the Packers and throwing critical interceptions and ruining the entire franchise might actually light a fire under his worthless ass, but that anxiety was misplaced. Cutler showed yet again that he just. does. not. give. a. shit. He’s just there for the massive paycheck and you know what? I don’t even blame him. I might do the same thing if I was him, I’m just glad he doesn’t play for my team. The Bears looked more disciplined than they have in recent years, and maybe John Fox can get this franchise turned around, but for now, the Bears are still our bitch. Thanks for two wins a year, losers. Here’s what I liked and didn’t like:

What I Liked:

I mean, was he playing with his eyes closed?

Pass Blocking: The O-line put on an absolute clinic on Sunday. I thought I remembered Rodgers taking one hit, but the official stats list ZERO HITS ON THE QUARTERBACK. I’ll tell ya, the Bears’ front office really hit the nail on the head when they decided to swap Julius Peppers for Jared ‘jesus-christ-look-at-what-a-fucking-moron-I-am’ Allen last year. Aaron didn’t have huge production in terms of yardage, but he finished the game without a speck of dirt on that uniform. He could literally wear it next week without washing it. If my job was to rush the passer for the Chicago Bears, I would be embarrassed. This is the first year since the stud line of Clifton-Wahle-Flanagan-Rivera-Tauscher that the entire line returned for a second straight season. I think continuity on the offensive line is the most important factor at the second most important position group. Let’s hope these behemoths can stay together for years to come.

James Jones: I’ll admit that I was not in favor of signing Jones last week. It’s not that I don’t like him, he was always a productive receiver and seemingly a good dude. I just thought that we’d be better served in the long run to give the young bucks their chance to show they belong. That may still be the case, but I can’t argue with JJ’s production on Sunday. Two touchdowns in his triumphant return was awesome, and a third TD was wiped out by a bogus holding call. His presence allows Cobb to stay in the slot when we go three or four wide, and he showed everyone that he isn’t just lacing them up as a decoy. I can’t really figure out why he’s able to produce since he’s not that physically gifted. My latest theory is that his LaDuke-esque giraffe neck allows him to see over defenders (and possibly through the time-space continuum), but for now that’s just theory.

Offensive Play Calling: Everyone knew the off-the-field relationship between Aaron Rodgers and newly-minted play-caller Tom Clements was good, but they appear to be aligned on the field as well. This duo deserves some of the credit for keeping Rodgers upright, since Clements was able to keep him out of unnecessary deep-drops, and Rodgers was able to make the correct checks at the line. I absolutely love the commitment to the run in short yardage (and even a critical medium yardage down). Old school football gets me all hot and bothered. Eddie Lacy in the backfield certainly makes it easier to commit to the run, but I still think it takes guts to run between the tackles on third and 3. One good game down in my book for Clements, 18 more to go.

What I Didn’t Like:

Run Defense: Matt Forte is not that good. He really isn’t. Yea we were missing two of our starting defensive linemen, but there is still no excuse for allowing that kind of production in the ground game. I don’t think a single one of our linebackers looked good against the run, and that includes Clay Matthews. They need to show more patience instead of just crashing the line as soon as they diagnose a run. It was too easy for Forte to bounce it outside once the line got bottled up. It’s obviously a work in progress with this position group, and they’ve got a big test coming up next week in Marshawn Lynch. They can’t do much worse than they did on Sunday, so let’s hope they take a step forward next week. I’m just sayin, if we can’t shut down backs at the line of scrimmage, Adrian Peterson might actually kill our safeties. I wonder if there might be a Jake Ryan sighting sooner rather than later.

Third Down Defense: I harp on this all the time, but god dammit it’s really fucking important. The Bears went 11 for 17 on third down, but it sure felt worse than that. We could not get off the field in the first half, and it lead to a half time deficit against a garbage team. Giving up third down conversions tires out the defense, builds confidence for the offense, allows play callers to get in a rhythm, basically dictates the momentum of the game. Too often we came within inches of a sack, only to give up 12 yards after Cutler broke the pocket. We need more pressure up the middle next week to contain a more mobile quarterback.

On Andy:

Losing a friend hurts bad. Andy was a good friend always and a great friend when he could be. He was compassionate, loyal, and flat out hilarious. One time we were stocking shelves together at Pick-N-Save in Wales, and Andy decided he wanted to a take nap. So he built a fort out of paper towels on the bottom shelf, and crawled in behind it to go to sleep. To me it seemed like a lot of work to get out of doing work, but whatever. Anyway the manager Ken saw the whole thing and fired him. Another time Andy lit a bottle rocket off in his ass crack. Unfortunately his cheeks were too sweaty for the rocket to take off, so instead it just burned a hole through his boxers and pants and blistered his ass. I couldn’t think about that without laughing out loud for literally a decade. Andy was unique. He never judged anybody and treated everyone with respect. I think that’s the biggest reason he had so many friends. He didn’t care where you were from or what you looked like or any of that meaningless shit. To Andy, if you were cool, you were cool. As I said on Saturday, I’m going to try to take a lesson from Andy and live a better life in his honor. I’m gonna miss that son of a bitch like crazy.

Quotes of the Week:

“I don’t know, he said he was going to the Checker Public or something. Must be a place for retards or something cuz I’ve never been there.”

 – Andy Gronewold

“No, fuck taking a break. You’re going to be representing all of us when you go to college, so you have to be able to drink everyone under the table. You’re up.”

 – Andy Gronewold

Week Four in Review

There’s my chippy. This was officially the second NFL game EVER that did not feature a single punt. Neither team punted! That’s crazy. Of course we didn’t punt because we were busy scoring, while Chicago didn’t punt because they were busy getting their asses kicked up around their necks. Smokin’ Jay was up to his old tricks, throwing passes off his back foot, throwing passes to the wrong team, gobbling up and down the sideline, strutting his prominent turkey neck. Just imagine him being your team’s quarterback. What a nightmare. The offense was operating at full capacity, scoring on six straight possessions to start the game, including five touchdowns. The defense gave up tons of production in terms of yards, but held a decent offense to 17 points. It would be easy to criticize the defense after this performance, but I was happy with what they did on Sunday. It was reminiscent of the 2010 defense, forcing critical turnovers to mask statistical shortcomings. We’ve played .500 ball through the first quarter of the season, including a 1 – 1 record in the division. It’s not ideal, but everything we want is well within reach. Fuck the Bears. Here’s what I liked and didn’t like:

What I Liked:

Aaron Rodgers: One hell of a performance against a division opponent on the road, facing a potential 1 and 3 start to the season. An average of 10.78 yards per passing play is ridiculous. That means we averaged a first down every time we called a passing play. Four touchdowns to zero interceptions is good. He was 7 for 7 on third down, and 6 for 6 on attempts that traveled 15 yards or more in the air. Here’s the thing though, he can be better. He missed a couple of throws and was visibly upset with himself. It’s a step in the right direction, and I’m looking for him to continue this kind of production. He’s currently on pace to finish the year with 3996 yards, 36 touchdowns, and 4 interceptions.

Starting Wide Receiver Tandem: Cobb and Nelson were Cobb and Nelson. They combined for 17 catches on 21 targets for 221 yards and 4 touchdowns. They each had over 100 yards and 2 scores and had just one drop between them (Cobbler dropped a touchdown). Jordy leads the league in yards with 459, leads the league in first down receptions with 24, and is second in the league among wide receivers in yards after the catch with 137. Cobb leads the league in touchdowns with 5. I’ll say it again, we have the best starting wide receiver tandem in the league. Jordy is making a bid to be considered the best wideout in football this year. Now if only those rookies could start producing a bit…

Offensive Line: I don’t really know what to say or how to analyze their play, but I do know that Rodgers had all day to hang out in the pocket and pick apart the defense. So, I figure that’s good and stuff.

Hitting: Not tackling (although that was pretty darn good too), hitting. We gave up waaaay too many yards, that much is certain. It’s not realistic to think we can hold a team to 17 points while giving up 496 yards more than once. That being said, the defense was laying the fucking wood on Sunday. Burnett and Hawk combined for 26 tackles, and there weren’t many arm tackles. Hitting is important for a lot of reasons. Receivers start to get alligator arms, running backs get tentative, catchable balls get knocked out, quarterbacks get happy feet, all good things. Hitting is an attitude, and it affects the entire game. I’ve been looking for some edge on defense, and it finally showed up.

What I Didn’t Like:

Running Game: Eddie Lacy turned in another gem, racking up 56 yards on 17 carries for a robust 2.8 yards per carry. He’s really firing on all cylinders right now. Running with purpose, breaking all kinds of tackles, getting north and south in the backfield, generally instilling fear in defenses and forcing them to respect the run. Thank god James Starks didn’t get a single carry, cuz you can’t do anything to derail that freight train wearing number 27.

Run Defense: We continue to give up all kinds of production on the ground. We’re the worst run defense in the league right now and it’s not even close. We’ve given up 704 yards on the ground on 4.6 yards per carry. The next worst is Oakland (who just fired their head coach because they suck so bad), who’ve given up 633 yards on 4.3 yards per carry. So yeah, we’re the worst. It’s gotta get better or we won’t be winning any playoff games.

Extra Points:

        -    Charles Woodson is on pace for 96 tackles, 4 interceptions, and 16 passes defensed. He is 37.359 years old.

         -   Clay Matthews was a full participant in this week’s only practice, and is fully cleared for action on Thursday.

        -   The Vikings will start rookie QB Teddy Bridgewater this Thursday. He had himself a decent game this past week in his first meaningful NFL action, but the defense has to be licking its’ chops at the prospect of facing the rookie.

 -  Cornerback Jumal Rolle has been signed off the Packers practice squad by the Houston Texans.

** Bonus Quote of the Week **

"I spent thirty-three years and four months in active military service … and during that period I spent most of my time as a high-class muscle-man for big business, for Wall Street, and the bankers. I helped make Haiti and Cuba a decent place for the National City Bank boys to collect revenues in. I helped in the raping of half a dozen Central American republics for the benefit of Wall Street, in China I helped to see to it that Standard Oil went its way unmolested."

-  Marine Lieutenant General Smedley Butler, winner of two congressional Medals of Honor

** What Was I Drinking **

Russian River Temptation Blonde Sour Ale aged in French oak chardonnay barrels. Pretentious? Sure. Delicious? God damn right. Thanks again Nick.

Week Three in Review

Well that was not very fun. Just ask my houseguests. I really can’t remember a worse offensive performance during the Rodgers/McCarthy era. The Lions’ defense is not good when healthy, and they were far from healthy on Sunday. The offensive line is looking more and more like a season-ruining weakness and Rodgers seems to be getting frustrated. It’s still very early but I’m reading a lot more into this loss than I did the week one loss to Seattle. Here’s what I liked and didn’t like:

What I Liked:

Secondary: I really like this unit quite a bit. They’re talented, deep, and confident. Shields and Williams did a terrific job on Calvin Johnson, holding him to a mortal 82 yards on six catches. House is looking more and more like a potential star to me. It’s great that he had a pick, but he’s also tackling well and playing great in coverage. Ha Ha got the safeties on the board with a nice interception, so we can stop talking about how long it’s been since that happened. Golden Tate’s production was a little annoying, but overall this was a terrific performance for the secondary against a potent passing attack.

Pass Rush: We only had two sacks on the day, but we were consistently in the backfield and put

some nice hits on Stafford. Mike Daniels has been a force of nature this year, and he was consistently disruptive again today. He’s a super star, no doubt about it. He’s got the rare ability to create pressure up the middle, which is so hard for an offense to overcome. Julius Peppers finally made a big play, sacking, stripping, and recovering in a crucial situation. Matthews was around the ball, but never broke through for a big play. He sustained some kind of injury late in the game, but didn’t look too concerned standing on the sideline. Let’s hope it’s nothing serious. The one reservation I have about the pressure that we got today is the fact that we had to rush five to get it. Most good quarterbacks can beat the blitz, but maybe our secondary is good enough to cover even when the blitz is on. We’ll have the answer soon enough.

What I Didn’t Like:

Aaron Rodgers: Let’s be real, he played like shit. Sure he was frequently under pressure, but what the fuck? Isn’t this guy a superstar? Some of his throws were so far off target I couldn’t even make sense of them. I’m also sick and tired of him showing up teammates on the field. If someone makes a mistake, just be an adult and deal with it in the huddle or on the sidelines. Does he really think that rookie receiver Davante Adams is going to be more assignment sure after getting yelled at by his quarterback in front of 70,000 people? It’s stupid and it makes the team worse. His frustration was obvious and understandable, but he’s got to play better than he did today or this team is going nowhere.

Running Game: Just terrible. 22 rushes for 76 yards and no touchdowns. Also a fumble from our feature back. Eddie Lacy has yet to put together anything even close to a solid game this year. Starks was apparently running too well for the coaching staff to continue giving him the ball. I get that Eddie is the star, but if James is producing, leave him in the fucking game until he isn’t! McCarthy’s inability and/or unwillingness to make offensive adjustments to the game plan is becoming a more and more credible narrative. This was exactly the kind of game where you need to run the football and we simply could not. This has got to get better.

Pass Protection: We only gave up two sacks, but that stat does not tell the story. Rodgers was under pressure once again, and could not produce. The Lions have a good defensive line, but so do like eight or ten other teams. Do we just throw our hands up and mail it in every time we’re up against a decent unit? Jesus Christ this does not feel like a playoff team right now. The offense produced 5.06 yards per passing play against arguably the worst secondary in the league.

Extra Points:

       -          All 52 active members on the roster practiced in some capacity on Wednesday. Everyone (myself included) has been bitching about injuries ruining seasons for years. Well we’re healthy right now, so let’s do something about it.

       

       -          The Packers have started each of the last three seasons 1-2, and made the playoffs the first two times.

       -          The Bears are last in the league in rushing through three weeks, and 26^th out 32 when it comes to stopping the run. Looks like an opportunity for the Packers to control the clock and for Eddie Lacy to put up his first big game of the year.

      -          Four key starters for the Bears are currently listed as questionable, and a fifth (Peanut Tillman – one of my favorite non-Packers) is on IR. Let’s see if we can capitalize on a banged up opponent like we should have done last week.

** Bonus Quote of the Week **

‘The Vile Maxim of the Masters of Mankind: All for ourselves and nothing for other people.’

-          Adam Smith

** What Was I Drinking **

Pliny the Elder, courtesy of my boy Chowder out in Oaktown.

Week One in Review

Football’s back! Weeeeeeeew! Sure we got our asses kicked, but that didn’t stop me from having some beers and chilling the fuck out for three hours. I’m pleased as punch. It’s week one, and clearly we’ve got some kinks to work out, but that is one hell of a team out there in Seattle. Our longest play of the game was 15 yards, but are any of you worried about the offense? Well if you’re smart enough to read this blog you ain’t. It was just the best defense in the league in the toughest stadium in the league. This wasn’t our game to win. This is gonna be a great season and we will be on the boot side of more than a couple ass kickings this year, I guarantee it. Here’s what I liked and didn’t like:

What I Liked:

Starting Wide Receiver Tandem: I’m saying right now that we have the best wide receiver tandem in the league. It’s unfortunate that Randall and Jordy were the only two receivers targeted all night on Thursday (a function of minimal rapport between Rodgers and the rooks, plenty of pass rush from Seattle, and avoiding Richard Sherman like the plague), but as always they produced. The offense was essentially non-existent outside of these two. They both play with tremendous confidence and refinement. Their route running and pass catching look effortless, and their knowledge of the offense allows them to play in the slot or either side on every play. Stay tuned for big things from these two, it’s going down.

Clay Matthews: He’s back and healthy and terrifying as ever. His stat line doesn’t jump off the page, but he was all over the field. It’s just that he’s so fast and crazy. Right now he’s the only player on the defense with any kind of edge or attitude. I’m looking for the coaching staff to manage his snaps responsibly early on in the season so that we’re not left with Sam Barrington and Mike Neal at OLB for the last ten weeks of the season.

Ha Ha: It isn’t so much that he had a great game. He looked pretty bad in coverage a couple of times and tackled like he was a member of the Packers’ defense. What I liked is that he made impact plays. He recovered a fumble (admittedly a lot of luck involved, but hey, he did that shit), recorded a sack (admittedly while chasing the qb out of bounds a half yard behind the line of scrimmage, but hey, he did that shit), and defended a couple of passes downfield (admittedly dropping a sure fire pick, but hey). Basically the point is we need playmakers on defense and he made plays. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the coaching staff put number 21 on his jersey. He should see more playing time this week.

What I Didn’t Like:

Yards Per Play: 4.5. Really, really…..not….good.

Tackling: Let’s not beat a dead horse here.

Tight Ends: Not sure we’re gonna see too much production out of this unit this year.

Extra Points:

- Eddie Lacy has been medically cleared to play following his concussion last Thursday. He’ll be ditching his new age helmet in favor of the model he wore last year.

- Brad Jones will be riding pine this week, allegedly because of a minor leg injury. Jamari Lattimore will likely get the start.

- Packer legend Bart Starr suffered a minor stroke this week but is expected to make a full recovery.

** BONUS QUOTE OF THE WEEK **

“Dare to think, dare to speak, dare to do, dare to attack, dare to carry on a revolution, in a word, dare to rebel.”

- Chinese Red Guards

** BONUS QUOTE OF THE WEEK #2 **

“More Phillies than Pete Rose”

- Pun

** WHAT WAS I DRINKING **

High Life in a can courtesy of Prince William.